TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[abraxasmods]

TEST DRIVE MEME

Welcome to the eighth test drive meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the three different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own under the Questions header below. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.

Our Setting pages are full of information on the world of Abraxas, and an overview of the story so far can be found on our Game History page! Anything on that page - including information about the Horizon and the Singularity - can be assumed to be told to newcomers after they arrive, no matter which faction they are received in. For more information on Ambrose and the apprentice mages, Marlo, and Rowan, please see our NPCs page.

You can also find answers to questions asked on previous TDMs in their respective questions threads.

NOTED CURRENT EVENTS
◎ Rumor has it that two emissaries - a werewolf and a vampire - visited from Nocwich in early July. With them came some wares distributed to shops throughout each faction. A few sparse items may remain for purchase, such as glowing flowers or fine ales, but much of it has now been sold.

◎ New arrivals in THE FREE CITIES may hear a bit of chatter around Cadens about art, politics, and recent performances involving its sister city, Libertas. It's all standard fare - the kind of topics spoken about over a beer or in line at the market - but there's a small stir in the air.

◎ Lately, locals in SOLVUNN have begun to approach the Summoned with a sort of awe and respect. New arrivals will find themselves treated much the same way and may be asked for advice or given gifts that seem like offerings such as wine, harvest bounties, or some delicious goat cheese. Your character is free to turn these down and should they turn down enough people, they will not be bothered further as no one wishes to offend them.

Arrival

You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.

You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.

There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. Through the opening you can see a bright room, but it's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.

Scenario One: Welcome to Thorne

A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground. Once you catch your breath, you can get a better look at the surroundings: tall trees and even taller stone pillars surround the platform you're laying on. Behind you is an ornate fountain, the base of which is so deep and so dark you might be compelled to scramble away from it lest it suck you back in to that endless abyss. Ahead of you are the walls of a large castle with several tall towers reaching up towards the sky.

If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either.

Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card bearing the image of one of the arcana.

An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at a mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. He peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.

"One moment," he says, not bothering to look up from the tome. He looks tired. "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. We’ll explain everything in a moment, but for now, please calm down. You’re completely fine."

Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the pages, until he stops on one specific passage, stares at it for a moment, and then sighs with relief:

"Finally!"

Ambrose's expression brightens, relief visible across his features. He waves one of the apprentices over with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals and with a wave of his hand they reshape to fit you perfectly.

"Oh, thank heavens," he says, closing the book and approaching you with a sort of worn-out relief. “I was beginning to believe we’d never get it exactly right.”

Now that he's not hunching over the book, he doesn't seem quite so stuffy and inapproachable. The apprentices all seem to visibly relax, and the one that handed you the tunic stops to take the tarot card down from the marble slab. If you show any curiosity about the card, they'll let you take a longer look, but won't let you touch it.

"Please, come with me," he says, motioning for you to follow him towards the castle. "As promised, my pupils will explain your current situation. And, ah - if you had any magic of your own, or other special abilities you can't access right now, fear not, they'll return within the week. The summoning takes a lot out of you."

One of the apprentices steps forward and rattles on and on about the castle, Thorne itself, the names of a bunch of royals and nobles, and of course, your reason for being here. The Kingdom and the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.

Once inside the castle you're taken to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (those who were previously brought in may have a great deal of information to tell you), or you can wander around and meet the others.

There's also a dining hall stocked with a rotating 24/7 buffet in celebration of the new honored guests. Somehow, your very favorite food is part of the rotation (or at least an attempted recreation of it given the limited technology available to the Thorneans). The town surrounding the castle is all abuzz as well, with most shops and services willing to give free samples of their wares to the new arrivals.

You may also notice that your sign is embroidered on your tunic: the same image you saw on the card from before with the name of the sign itself beneath it. If you ask the castle residents, they'll tell you a little bit about your sign (and will mostly stick to the positives, although some might point out the negatives).

Last (and, if you ask anyone else in the castle, least) there is a worn stone staircase leading underground to the dungeon. You can go there, if you wish, but all powers are restricted in the dungeons and most of the cells stand empty.

Scenario Two: Welcome to the Free Cities

You find yourself pulled from the water by a pair of strong hands. Dry warmth hits you at once as you're set on a warm hard floor. As your senses return you realize you're on dull ruddy stone and surrounded by strangers. Men and women in unfamiliar uniforms of brown and red leather stand in a semi-circle around a small pool of water. The very pool you were just pulled from. The water is still now, rimmed in pale gold tiles with odd symbols etched into them. Across it on the far side is a raised pedestal with a card propped on it. The card bears an arcana symbol.

You feel weak. Drained. Any abilities or magical powers you have seem far away and impossible to access. You're in what looks like a cave lit by dozens and dozens of torches set into the wall. There's no furniture or decoration to be seen besides the pool. It's almost uncomfortably warm and there's the sound of rushing wind somewhere in the distance. Flickering shadows obscure the faces of the guards. A robed woman stands off to the side, looking at you anxiously and then to the authoritative woman standing before you. She's grinning, dressed in a fancier uniform than the others. There's a sword at her hip. A guard covers you with a blanket and returns to their place in the semi-circle.

The woman with the sword gives a nod of approval and smiles warmly.

"Sorry about the circumstances."

She gives you a good hard look before standing again.

"Take a minute, catch your breath, you've had quite a shock. Take it nice and easy. I'm Prime Minister Marlo Reiner and you're in The Free Cities. That nice lady over there will explain everything to you and get you settled." A nod to the robed woman off to the side.

Marlo Reiner steps back and the robed mage approaches to help you up.

"Come with me, please." She brings you out of the cave through a corridor that angles upwards until you emerge in what looks like some kind of storage facility. Shelves of wooden boxes and cloth bags line them, unidentifiable parts of what might be machines are tucked into corners and propped against shelving units. "This is one of the Free Cities' outposts," the mage explains as she leads you. "We're honored to have you with us, I'm sure you have many questions but please save them. You need to recover!"

You'll learn you're in the Cadens Desert Outpost 003, a military outpost on the outskirts of Cadens city. You're brought to a room in the barracks that's been prepared. Each barracks room is rather sparse and utilitarian. Six simple beds set against the wall, three on each side of the room, each with a trunk at the foot of it. You're told the world is in a delicate and dangerous times and you're needed to help. You're important, you're told, and they're very grateful you're here.

You're asked to stay close for the time being, but to make yourself at home. The outpost is more a proper military base than the name implies, with full facilities. The barracks have a communal bathing room at the end of the hall, with curtains that can be pulled around the individual raised round tubs for privacy. There's a mess hall that has food available from sun up till a few hours after sundown. You're even encouraged to make use of the training grounds, if you'd like, with non-lethal training weapons available for use and obstacle courses set up. And the city of Cadens is only a couple of hours away by wagon - though you're asked initially to please be back at the outpost within a few hours of the sun going down.

For your own safety.

Scenario Three: Welcome to Solvunn

The feeling of floating is the first sense that comes to you as the edges of unconsciousness start to ebb. Sunlight filters through the rippling water as you open your eyes, making you squint. Before you have the chance to panic and inhale, firm hands grasp your arms and pull you to the surface of the water. Moments later, soft warmth is wrapped around your shoulders as you're guided on unsteady legs out of a pool of water. You're lowered to the soft grass. Men and women in simple garments with lavish embroidery stand by, waiting with bated breath, glancing seriously at an old man in an ornate robe. He holds an old leather-bound book in one hand and in the other is a card bearing an arcana symbol. His eyes move quickly over the page, and he mumbles idly to himself.

Any strength you may have possessed feels as though it has slipped through your fingers. Any abilities or magical powers you have don't come to the surface no matter how hard you try. You're in a grassy clearing in the midst of a circle of large stone slabs stacked to look like doorways. In the middle is the same glimmering pool you were just pulled from. A gentle breeze blows through, carrying the scent of flowers and herbs from an ornately decorated altar set off in front of one of the stone doorways. The mage closes his book and steps out of the water, addressing a matronly old woman. Behind her are two younger people, a rough-looking man, and a meek young girl, both of whom are also watching the mage.

“I detect no ill will from the gods, it seems we've been blessed with success.” Those that had gathered all breathe a sigh of relief and now seem pleased.

The old woman smiles and steps forward, offering to take your hands and help you stand. “Any gift the gods give us is one we will happily take. I'm certain you have many questions, and they will all be answered in time. For now, rest and know you will be taken care of.”

She pats the top of your hand and steps away with a serene smile, letting one of the others come forward with some clothes that seem to fit you perfectly. Once you're dressed, someone approaches to drape a delicate-looking charm depicting a long-horned creature with large wings on a thin chain over your neck. Ask around later, and you may find that it is a symbol of Vielehauffe, the God of the Herd.

The rough-looking man from before steps forward once you're decent and motions with his head outside of the stone circle. His speech is informal, his consonants harsh.

“Hold your horses, I can see all those questions coming about! Rowan March, at your service. I'm one of the council members of Solvunn. There's a lot to discuss, but it's best talked about over a hot meal.” He leads you to a horse-drawn carriage and helps you up into the back. He talks the entire ride to the settlement.

You find out you are in the Primary Settlement, the first of three that make up Solvunn's great territory. The settlement is situated between two lakes and is humming with life. You're brought to the center of town and escorted to an apartment above one of the establishments in town. Rowan explains that the living conditions are temporary if you'd like them to be, that local families would also be happy to host you in their home. That there are others like you who have also taken up residence within the three settlements. You're told that the world hangs upon the brink of disaster and that there are those in this world that are happy to see it fall to ruin with their meddling.

You're important. The gods have graced them with your presence. They're delighted you're here. Welcome to Solvunn.

Everything you need has been provided in this humble apartment, and if it hasn't, there are shops that line the streets and a marketplace in the center of town. Owners of some establishments or stalls are more than happy to give out samples or barter with your time for their goods. Babysitting can be a very lucrative business. You're told of the other settlements, that they'd like you to stay here for now, but if you can find a family to host you, the secondary and tertiary settlements are best to get to with an escort.

There are tales of travelers visiting the secondary settlement without invitation disappearing without a trace. The gods are as hungry as they are protective, young traveler.

You’ll find that there are more than enough activities to throw yourself into to better settle into your new life in Solvunn. Work is done in the first part of the day so that families can spend the rest of it together in leisure and work on their crafts - whatever those may be. For those children who are not of school age, they need nannies or storytellers, and there’s always a gaggle of them running about unsupervised. Families with livestock can always take a spare hand, especially since farms are so spread out, they have a tendency to wander. Whatever skills you may possess can always be of use to the community or to honor the gods.

If any of these options are no good for your lifestyle, the main roads between settlements can always use a bit of monster clean-up… just make sure you don’t go alone.

---

Questions

How many slots are open?
Please check the Taken page for how many player, franchise, and canon slots are available. Activity check will be processed before applications open, so the count may change between now and then. Existing players can apply for a second character without restriction.

How do I choose a scenario for my character?
Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Which faction your character is drawn into has nothing to do with their personal morality, beliefs, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into any one of the situations.

Can I try out more than one scenario?
You can! But please keep in mind that only the one you eventually choose can be game canon, if you decide to keep any of your TDM threads.

What happens if my character refuses to comply with the NPCs?
They will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and the faction leaders will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, they will be warned once that everyone is willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight they will make good on that promise.

My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the cities, murdering the NPCs, etc.), what would happen to them?
Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other NPCs would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude and intervention from various NPC guards, and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Abraxans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.

I want to wildcard a prompt or use one of the prompts from an earlier TDM that isn't on this one (eg. the library), can I do that?
Yes, in terms of the settings. As Thorne is no longer imprisoning any newcomers, that option is no longer applicable.

Is the power loss for characters permanent?
No, but it does take a week or so for their powers to be back in full, and certain powers (determined on a case-by-case basis) may require nerfs. If your character has world-breaking powers, please discuss with the mods what modifications may be necessary.

Can my character leave the bounds of the faction?
In Thorne, characters can leave the castle but not the city. In Cadens, they can take a trip from the outpost to the city. In Solvunn, they can explore the entirety of the Primary Settlement.

Can my character eventually change factions?
Yes. While the faction borders are currently closed, there will opportunities in the future for characters to relocate. For the time being, they are stuck where they are.

How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?
This choice will determine where your character initially lives as well as the bias of the information they receive from NPCs (although other PCs can and most likely will give it to them a bit more straight). This decision - and every other major decision you make in game! - will also be used to flavor some mod surprises that will be coming down the line.

Don't get too anxious about this choice, though; this is just one choice you'll get to make in a game that has a lot of them, and every character in every scenario can work their way towards many, many individual goals and outcomes. You're not locking yourself out of anything in the future via the choice you made on the TDM. It will primarily impact the immediate future with the far-reaching effects being up to each player.

Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?
No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the three scenarios on your application.

What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?
You can ignore sign-related prompts if you're undecided (or try out different signs in different threads).

Can my character go to the Horizon?
First time visitors to the Horizon must be taken there by other characters, through either shared meditation or a physical journey to the Singularity, and all first-timers experience memory loss. For the purposes of the TDM, we suggest against using the Horizon.

What about making use of the network?
Much like Horizon they would need to be introduced to it by another PC, as no NPCs would be aware of the network or be able to access it. Because of this we would advise against using this mechanic for TDM top-levels.

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Comments

[shadowthief]

She nods a little as he confirms he’s from the same point she remembers. She’s not sure how she would handle it if they had a wide discrepancy between them.

He hadn't. And it doesn't surprise her in the least. But he is now. Thinking about it. Turning the whole thing over in his mind. She can see it in the lines of his face, the tiniest crease in his forehead as he processes it.

But it’s those words at the end that throw her for a loop. It plays across her face plain as day, shock and confusion mixing together in the knit of her brow, the slightly agape set of her mouth. “What…?” She heard him wrong, surely. Even as she knows she didn’t. But it’s the only word her mouth can seem to form at this moment.

She shakes her head, regaining her composure. “You know how I feel about those words.” But they meant more, coming from him. Kaz wasn’t the sort to go throwing I’m sorry‘s at just anyone for any reason.

[bealufull]

Kaz could not remember the last time he had said those words. He didn't apologize for his actions, but he would apologize for asking why she had felt lost in this place. If not for the ship and her plans but for her parents.

Family lost, again, he could understand. It was a pain he well knew.

"I'm here. It's the best I can do," he says, as if it had been his choice. "And I will find a way to get you back to your family, no matter what we make of our world here." And he will not echo this mistake because he will try harder to think about how she sees things, how she feels, and even if he can't understand the sensation he will try and understand why she feels that way.

[shadowthief]

She presses her lips into a faint smile. She believes him. Or… at least, she believes his conviction. She’s been in this world too long by now— Saints, she’s more than halfway toward an entire year here— to truly think they had any choice in the matter of going home.

Still.
The sentiment is nice, and she knows he means it, with every ounce and fiber of his being. That matters more than the result in this moment.

She squeezes his fingers in her own, a simple, silent reassurance. An acceptance of his promise, both spoken and not.

“Where are you staying? Or have you even gotten that far yet?”

[bealufull]

Kaz Brekker did not believe there was anything he could not make happen. Determination and hard work, intelligence and perseverance. Those things make things happen and he is good at making things happen the way he wants them to.

So there is no acceptance he won't be able to do that for her. He had fought to find her family and she deserved to have time with them. He would find a way.

Until then though, they're in this place and apparently with Jesper and they'll make the world theirs. He believes that as well.

"The barracks," he admits with a curl of his lip. "It's only been a few days and this is my first time getting out of the outpost. What about you and Jesper? Where are you staying?"

[shadowthief]

She hums a soft noise and nods. Kaz in the ‘Privacy? What privacy?’ military barracks, that’s unfortunate for anyone involved. “No more of that,” she assures him. He won’t need to be back there ever again if he’d rather.

“Here,” she gestures with one hand. “Jesper and I have a room upstairs.” A room. Singular. Most of the time, she’s very upfront with him; sometimes, she said things just so, just to watch his reaction. This… was certainly one of those times.

[bealufull]

"Those are perhaps the best words I've ever heard." He's been sharing a room with six people. He has had to share a bath. In other words known as please be aware that the sort of military suit he is wearing right that minute is also what he's been sleeping in. For the value of what little sleep he's gotten for days.

But then she makes that admission and he goes stone still. Only his fingers tighten against hers. Then he makes himself loosen that hold. Not moving his fingers away but realizing that he had made an assumption. One based on where things had been for them the last moment he saw her.

Not her nearly a year later. Without him. And with...

"You and Jesper."

He repeats it like that as if trying to make it make sense to him. Its not though. Nor is he sure what to make of the emotions that are swirling within him. Jealousy. A flash of anger. Emotions he's carefully tucked away when he's dealt with them before, reminding himself they're not for now. Is this now? He's not sure.

"Well."

She has spent years trying to sneak up on him and surprise him and she finally does it. With words.

[shadowthief]

“Well.” She echoes, like she’s pressing him to say something else. Anything else at all.

But he seems nearly frozen in his indecision of how, precisely, to proceed. How much to read into those words she’d handed him.

She lets a wild grin slip over her lips. “Kaz. It’s a double,” She says it through the beginnings of a laugh, shaking her head.

[bealufull]

Still glowering without meaning to, not liking how this sounds, and not sure what all truly bothers him. Not as if he had truly taken his chance to be with Inej when he'd had it, and not like Jesper wouldn't be good to her.

But what is this? They run off to some odd world and now they're living together?

Then she grins, revealing the truth and the glower turns into what might nearly pass for a pout but really is just more glower.

"You could have started there," he points out, not at all amused at being at the butt end of her jokes and hating that sensation as well. "It isn't an entirely far fetched thought. For him. You though..." It's not that she deserves better, it isn't how he thought of it, just that she was... her.

[shadowthief]

“But then I couldn’t have seen that look on your face.” She says, still grinning. She didn’t mean anything truly mean-spirited by it, but it wasn’t easy pulling one over on Kaz like that, how could she pass up such a perfect opportunity?

She tips her head to one side. “And what about me? Am I spoken for?” It’s equal parts a tease and a challenge both— and Saints, now that she’s said it, she wonders if it was a step too far. Suddenly, she isn’t sure she wants a real answer.

[bealufull]

"My life's goal is complete then," he says, tones dry and flat and utterly teasing. "I have made you laugh. I thought I would live my whole life with never making that happen."

Except he knows it's not cruel and he knows it's how things will be. Here more than before. He'd been the leader but they were equals. Now though they are truly all on equal footing, if not that he is a bit behind.

That question though makes his mouth go dry and she perhaps gets the most surprised look ever from him. "I..."

There aren't words after. What did he say? No is a lie, but then he hasn't even so much as attempted tried to make a claim to her time in traditional standards of romance. No one in the world is going to think him holding her hand, bare handed and in public, is any kind of a sign of romance and feelings.

Yes means he actually has to find a way to live his emotions and not just bottle them up and then what might he take from her if she learns he is stunted emotionally and incapable of giving her what she wants and needs?

"I don't think that is my decision to make alone," he says, sincere though he fears she'll hear something else in his words.

[shadowthief]

She scoffs a little at that, eyes rolling as she does. “Your life’s goal was taking down Pekka Rollins. And you’ve already done that. Is making me laugh really the next best thing?” It’s silly, really. Someone as long-sighted as Kaz had to have plenty of other far more important things in his lineup than…that.

“It’s okay,” she says quickly into the silence after his false start. “You don’t have to answer that.” Giving him an out felt… necessary, for his sake as well as her own. Dignity in tact, their standing among each other perfect preserved on its perch.

But… he does anyway. He gives her an answer, a real one. The kind she hadn’t expected. The kind that goes and gets stuck between her ribs and steals her breath. Makes her whole body go far too still with the weight of it.

Her lips roll together in her hesitation, unsure of the right response to such an honest answer to such a facetious question. But it had been real, too, hadn’t it? Some brazen part of her had wanted to know if he thought himself her keeper, thought her… as owed to him. Less because Kaz has ever treated their very specific situation as anything like owner and slave and more… ingrained habit learned to assume the worst in everyone. A lesson The Barrel taught all of its children very quickly, and very thoroughly.

“Thank you…” doesn’t feel quite like the right thing to say, but she’s unsure what else could go in its place, too. It’s small. Not even a kruge’s worth of a shift. But it is still a sense of growth, a level of understanding he couldn’t have had not that long ago.

Whatever any of this means— and she does not delude herself into thinking a single conversation could define it— it is theirs to figure out together. And it means more than she knows how to put in words.

[bealufull]

"You said it yourself. Was. I had to have a new one. Now completely, guess I'm starting over again." It's entirely deadpan, and to most there would be little there to show it was humor, but to him it's positively joking time. For a moment. For that moment because it made things easier to face what he's said and how she reacts to it.

And it's also not untrue. Already he's considering what he's going to do here and what his plans are for this place and every moment of this talk makes him both more settled and uncertain about what he'll be doing.

"I worked to give you your freedom so you could have what you wanted. Not to make you mine." That much was easy to say. The rest, that if she chose to be, that would be something else.

[shadowthief]

Everything else dissolves as the conversation comes down to that needle point fact: That none of it was ever about him trying to win her. And she knew this, on some level, but… the lessons she learned at The Menagerie were burned deep into her bones, not easy things to shake. It was all too easy to assume the worst of the boy who had come back for her with the reputation of demon and monster attached so thoroughly to his name.

But Kaz had never raised her debt or played against his own rules just to cause her to fail. He was awful in his own rights, but he was never for even one second the kind of awful that Tante Heleen had been. He’d let her go— got her a ship and a crew so she could go.

Something sticks in her throat and she has to swallow around it before she can speak again. “You are many things, Kaz Brekker, but the most noble thing is you are true to your word.” Even when it has the potential to hurt him. He had been prepared to let her go. Trusting and doubting in equal measure whether she would actually return all the while.

[bealufull]

Kaz's position in the Barrel had meant he could do nearly anything to anyone. The truth was, and they both knew, he had. It was part of his life. Not with her though. And certainly not with her freedom and her life.

Yet they had not yet had the chance to talk about it, not in what they both remember, so this is an intimate conversation they've never had a chance to have, but one they both needed to have perhaps.

He goes still at that compliment, his gaze dropping though his chin doesn't. Considering what to say and just how to say it.

"I promised you your freedom. I know what would have happened if I'd gone back on my word," he says, though it's teasing despite the seriousness in his eyes as he lifts his gaze. "I never would have."

Not that he never thought about it, but he never would have.

[shadowthief]

Her lips twitch up at the corners at the light tease that's tangled through his words. He can't help himself, can he? It's a way to be both honest and keep a distance at once, a skill Kaz has long-since perfected. "I know," she says definitively, no betrayal of certainty to be found.

"We should find you a room," she says softly, glancing over at him again. "If... you want to stay here." She thinks she knows the answer, but she will never pretend to be able to predict him so easily. "I can talk to Mag. I think there's a room next to mine and Jesper's." The closer the three of them can be, the better.

[bealufull]

Words can create so much distance and he's used them to do just that time and again. Now it's allowing her space as he finds himself in an odd position of not knowing just where he stands. She had said she would have all of him or none at all, but that was before her time in this place. He wouldn't assume that hadn't changed things.

He inclines his head once, though his expression goes into that darkly wry look with a blink of the eyes. "And give up my lovely cot in a room full of them and keep finding ways not to change in front of others? I would appreciate that. I don't need much as you well know."

And it would give him a base to begin with to see where he wants to go from there. Where they went to go from there.

"I suppose I'm going to be expected to find some sort of reputable job," he notes, giving a look at her and then the bar top she's sitting on.

[shadowthief]

"Communal living really doesn't suit you," she admits with a soft amused huff, shaking her head. Nor did it her, either. She'd have found the first opportunity to leave the outpost, too, if that's how she'd come to be in Cadens. "The rooms are about on par with the basic ones at The Slat." Which is to say, nothing like his office upstairs, but fine enough. A bed and a desk, walls and a door, some sem balance of privacy. Until he found a shadow in his window, which... he probably would, sooner than later, honestly.

Inej rolls one shoulder lightly, "There's all sorts of opportunities, Kaz... I'm sure you'll find something that suits you," in whatever way he decides that might mean, in this place. No gangs to lead, at least not in the way they were in The Barrel. Cadens is military and academic focused, but there were plenty of skills under the hat on his head, he'd just have to find a way to apply them here.

"Starting over is... a kind of freedom in its own way," she admits, tilting her head to look over at him. "You can be anything here, Kaz. Anyone..." She's not sure he knows how to be anyone else than who The Barrel had made him, but... the idea of it might not occur to him otherwise.

Her voice drops quieter and she keeps her free hand curled against the bartop so she doesn't fall as she leans toward him, whispering in his ear, "You don't have to be Dirtyhands here," She rolls her lips together and watches him take that in, unsure if it's a touch too far from the familiar so soon.

[bealufull]

"A lot I've endured so long doesn't suit me but I'm well suited to adapt to whatever life I need to."

And he wants to believe that. He wants to believe there is little this place, or anywhere, can throw at him that Kaz Brekker can't endure. Even if he hates it. This place is already proving him openings that he is considering his options for. The possibility of the kind of things that were around Army outposts in their own world. Gambling dens were still popular. Casinos. All the things soldiers look at to bade their time.

But then all of that kind of just burns out of his brain as Inej leans in close to him.

Part of his mind wants to bolt. To pull away. A bit of worrying in his mind as he closes his eyes. It's Inej. He thinks about their last moments before they came to this place. He shifts to lean into her, ever so slightly so that his cheek brushes against hers.

His entire body fairly trembles making that step, holding his breath for the longest time as if to keep himself still as he draws in her scent, the warmth of her skin. It's the longest contact he's had with another person in nearly a decade.

"And who else am I going to be, Inej?"

He whispers the words in the lowest of voices.

[shadowthief]

“I haven’t so quickly forgotten your ability to adapt,” she smiles, amused. She does believe it, and in him, that he will find solid ground under his feet if he just allows himself the time to adjust to this new city. Probably, she thinks, quicker than she had managed to do so.

That lean toward her, rather than away from her stops her breath, makes her heart stutter in her chest at the unexpectedness of it. Fingers loosely touching is one thing, this is a different thing altogether.

All sense of language and speaking dissolves— is this real? It can’t be, can it? He wouldn’t— he couldn’t. She mutters something in Suli that he won’t understand and, slowly, every so carefully, she pulls away from him, just far enough she could look at him properly.

“Anyone,” she whispers softly. “You could just… be.” He would have the room here, the space for it, to be… Kaz. No rumors floating about, no reputation attached to him. The world of possibilities is truly endless. Who IS Kaz Brekker without The Dregs, and Ketterdam, anyway?

[bealufull]

That moment is the most intimate closeness that Kaz has shared with another in longer than he can imagine. In fairness, all of his intimacy, as much as there has been, has been with the woman sitting above him. A woman as dangerous as she is beautiful.

His breath is quick and rushed, nothing like the careful, controlled breaths that reflect the same as so much of his life. She brings out everything else in him though, all that he's kept so tightly controlled for so long.

His eyes meet hers, the finest hint of uncertainty in his eyes. "And leave you and Jesper without someone to provide for you?" It's a weak joke and he knows it. "We'll see. Though, I have to wonder. What if he is who I am? What then?"

And by that he means, what then with her but he can't help but worry he won't much like her answer.

[shadowthief]

She hears the shift in his breath, and she hates to think any of it is because of her. That she would make him suffer so.

“We’ve done fine enough for ourselves in your absence,” she regrets it as soon as it’s out of her mouth because though her intention was a bad joke in return for a bad joke, it says something else to him immediately and she knows it; it says ‘We don’t need you’ and ‘Maybe we never did’. These things aren’t true, but she knows Kaz better than almost anyone. Knows how his mind can twists things around all the wrong way.

So she’s particularly careful with her next words. Confident. Certain. No room for doubt between the words. “Then you have a sharpshooter and a wraith at your sides, ready to help you build a new empire.” She won’t let go of him so easily.

[bealufull]

If there is ever anything like suffering that is worth it, it's being with her. She is not why he has troubles with these things, but she is why he will work hard to overcome them. He just isn't sure he can. Just like he's no more sure he could overcome being Dirtyhands.

Those words do run through his hand. Just as they were leaving in the moments he remembered, going off on their paths, living their lives, and not needing him as part of them there either. Why would they need him here, after all?

He knows he tenses but he's not sure if it's noticeable. He's spent so much of his life tense, is it that noticeable?

They are words that do bolster him, but then he has a rough mind, rougher thoughts, and hateful small voices making him wonder if it's possible both of those things are true. They don't need him but they're there for him. He would go on without them, but he's already found himself withdrawing from others because he isn't ready to start trusting new people.

Would he come to have to do the same here as well?

"I could make this place ours," he says, words he feels stronger in. A place he knows and is comfortable.

[shadowthief]

Is it noticeable in general? Probably not. A by-stander, or a stranger standing in front of him probably wouldn't notice the way the tension floods back into his shoulders. How his jaw clenches just a little tighter. But Inej does. She sees the sharp line of new tension across every part of him, because she has studied him for the entire time she's known him.

She also knows she sees so much more of him than the rest of the world. In part because she was his spy and that was the nature of their working relationship. But it was more than that, too. The kind of 'more' that neither of them were ready to put real words to yet. The kind that spilled over and under every thought, every action and reaction that spirals between the two of them. It's intense and it's real, she's thrilled by it and terrified of it all at once.

The cinnamon burn of swallowed starlight tangles between the cage of her ribs as the weight of those six words settles in her chest. "You know you don't have to... don't you? That...we'll be with you, empire or not..."

[bealufull]

He knows the moment she's behind him. She knows every turn of his mind with the barest shift in his expression. Years studying one another means that if anyone knows what they're thinking, it is the other.

That doesn't change him trying to hide that uncertainty, the thoughts that go through his mind. He had brought them to him because of his position, his money, and the weight of his signature. Could he keep them without any of that backing him?

"If someone offers you the world, you shouldn't discourage them."

It's a cheap throw away line, one to avoid emotions and those thoughts in his head. He knows she'll likely know it for what it is as well, but he's already too vulnerable in this place to try and ask about what he's feeling without actually putting it into questions.

"Besides, what else are we going to do here?"

this was buried in my inbox, I thought I'd already tagged! 😓

[shadowthief]

"I didn't ask for the world," she counters in a quick quip back at him, eyebrows lifted slightly in a challenge.

She hums softly at that question and shakes her head. "You're not even settled and already you're so focused on what's next." She smiles, a tiny, soft thing and gets to her feet, "Let's get you a room. We can worry about the rest tomorrow."