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abraxasooc2022-07-20 10:26 am
abraxasmods) wrote in abraxasooc2022-07-20 10:26 am
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TEST DRIVE MEME #8
TEST DRIVE MEME
Welcome to the eighth test drive meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the three different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own under the Questions header below. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.
Our Setting pages are full of information on the world of Abraxas, and an overview of the story so far can be found on our Game History page! Anything on that page - including information about the Horizon and the Singularity - can be assumed to be told to newcomers after they arrive, no matter which faction they are received in. For more information on Ambrose and the apprentice mages, Marlo, and Rowan, please see our NPCs page.
You can also find answers to questions asked on previous TDMs in their respective questions threads.
◎ Rumor has it that two emissaries - a werewolf and a vampire - visited from Nocwich in early July. With them came some wares distributed to shops throughout each faction. A few sparse items may remain for purchase, such as glowing flowers or fine ales, but much of it has now been sold.
◎ New arrivals in THE FREE CITIES may hear a bit of chatter around Cadens about art, politics, and recent performances involving its sister city, Libertas. It's all standard fare - the kind of topics spoken about over a beer or in line at the market - but there's a small stir in the air.
◎ Lately, locals in SOLVUNN have begun to approach the Summoned with a sort of awe and respect. New arrivals will find themselves treated much the same way and may be asked for advice or given gifts that seem like offerings such as wine, harvest bounties, or some delicious goat cheese. Your character is free to turn these down and should they turn down enough people, they will not be bothered further as no one wishes to offend them.
Arrival
You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.
You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.
There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. Through the opening you can see a bright room, but it's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.
Scenario One: Welcome to Thorne
A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground. Once you catch your breath, you can get a better look at the surroundings: tall trees and even taller stone pillars surround the platform you're laying on. Behind you is an ornate fountain, the base of which is so deep and so dark you might be compelled to scramble away from it lest it suck you back in to that endless abyss. Ahead of you are the walls of a large castle with several tall towers reaching up towards the sky.
If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either.
Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card bearing the image of one of the arcana.
An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at a mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. He peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.
"One moment," he says, not bothering to look up from the tome. He looks tired. "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. We’ll explain everything in a moment, but for now, please calm down. You’re completely fine."
Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the pages, until he stops on one specific passage, stares at it for a moment, and then sighs with relief:
"Finally!"
Ambrose's expression brightens, relief visible across his features. He waves one of the apprentices over with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals and with a wave of his hand they reshape to fit you perfectly.
"Oh, thank heavens," he says, closing the book and approaching you with a sort of worn-out relief. “I was beginning to believe we’d never get it exactly right.”
Now that he's not hunching over the book, he doesn't seem quite so stuffy and inapproachable. The apprentices all seem to visibly relax, and the one that handed you the tunic stops to take the tarot card down from the marble slab. If you show any curiosity about the card, they'll let you take a longer look, but won't let you touch it.
"Please, come with me," he says, motioning for you to follow him towards the castle. "As promised, my pupils will explain your current situation. And, ah - if you had any magic of your own, or other special abilities you can't access right now, fear not, they'll return within the week. The summoning takes a lot out of you."
One of the apprentices steps forward and rattles on and on about the castle, Thorne itself, the names of a bunch of royals and nobles, and of course, your reason for being here. The Kingdom and the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.
Once inside the castle you're taken to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (those who were previously brought in may have a great deal of information to tell you), or you can wander around and meet the others.
There's also a dining hall stocked with a rotating 24/7 buffet in celebration of the new honored guests. Somehow, your very favorite food is part of the rotation (or at least an attempted recreation of it given the limited technology available to the Thorneans). The town surrounding the castle is all abuzz as well, with most shops and services willing to give free samples of their wares to the new arrivals.
You may also notice that your sign is embroidered on your tunic: the same image you saw on the card from before with the name of the sign itself beneath it. If you ask the castle residents, they'll tell you a little bit about your sign (and will mostly stick to the positives, although some might point out the negatives).
Last (and, if you ask anyone else in the castle, least) there is a worn stone staircase leading underground to the dungeon. You can go there, if you wish, but all powers are restricted in the dungeons and most of the cells stand empty.
Scenario Two: Welcome to the Free Cities
You find yourself pulled from the water by a pair of strong hands. Dry warmth hits you at once as you're set on a warm hard floor. As your senses return you realize you're on dull ruddy stone and surrounded by strangers. Men and women in unfamiliar uniforms of brown and red leather stand in a semi-circle around a small pool of water. The very pool you were just pulled from. The water is still now, rimmed in pale gold tiles with odd symbols etched into them. Across it on the far side is a raised pedestal with a card propped on it. The card bears an arcana symbol.
You feel weak. Drained. Any abilities or magical powers you have seem far away and impossible to access. You're in what looks like a cave lit by dozens and dozens of torches set into the wall. There's no furniture or decoration to be seen besides the pool. It's almost uncomfortably warm and there's the sound of rushing wind somewhere in the distance. Flickering shadows obscure the faces of the guards. A robed woman stands off to the side, looking at you anxiously and then to the authoritative woman standing before you. She's grinning, dressed in a fancier uniform than the others. There's a sword at her hip. A guard covers you with a blanket and returns to their place in the semi-circle.
The woman with the sword gives a nod of approval and smiles warmly.
"Sorry about the circumstances."
She gives you a good hard look before standing again.
"Take a minute, catch your breath, you've had quite a shock. Take it nice and easy. I'm Prime Minister Marlo Reiner and you're in The Free Cities. That nice lady over there will explain everything to you and get you settled." A nod to the robed woman off to the side.
Marlo Reiner steps back and the robed mage approaches to help you up.
"Come with me, please." She brings you out of the cave through a corridor that angles upwards until you emerge in what looks like some kind of storage facility. Shelves of wooden boxes and cloth bags line them, unidentifiable parts of what might be machines are tucked into corners and propped against shelving units. "This is one of the Free Cities' outposts," the mage explains as she leads you. "We're honored to have you with us, I'm sure you have many questions but please save them. You need to recover!"
You'll learn you're in the Cadens Desert Outpost 003, a military outpost on the outskirts of Cadens city. You're brought to a room in the barracks that's been prepared. Each barracks room is rather sparse and utilitarian. Six simple beds set against the wall, three on each side of the room, each with a trunk at the foot of it. You're told the world is in a delicate and dangerous times and you're needed to help. You're important, you're told, and they're very grateful you're here.
You're asked to stay close for the time being, but to make yourself at home. The outpost is more a proper military base than the name implies, with full facilities. The barracks have a communal bathing room at the end of the hall, with curtains that can be pulled around the individual raised round tubs for privacy. There's a mess hall that has food available from sun up till a few hours after sundown. You're even encouraged to make use of the training grounds, if you'd like, with non-lethal training weapons available for use and obstacle courses set up. And the city of Cadens is only a couple of hours away by wagon - though you're asked initially to please be back at the outpost within a few hours of the sun going down.
For your own safety.
Scenario Three: Welcome to Solvunn
The feeling of floating is the first sense that comes to you as the edges of unconsciousness start to ebb. Sunlight filters through the rippling water as you open your eyes, making you squint. Before you have the chance to panic and inhale, firm hands grasp your arms and pull you to the surface of the water. Moments later, soft warmth is wrapped around your shoulders as you're guided on unsteady legs out of a pool of water. You're lowered to the soft grass. Men and women in simple garments with lavish embroidery stand by, waiting with bated breath, glancing seriously at an old man in an ornate robe. He holds an old leather-bound book in one hand and in the other is a card bearing an arcana symbol. His eyes move quickly over the page, and he mumbles idly to himself.
Any strength you may have possessed feels as though it has slipped through your fingers. Any abilities or magical powers you have don't come to the surface no matter how hard you try. You're in a grassy clearing in the midst of a circle of large stone slabs stacked to look like doorways. In the middle is the same glimmering pool you were just pulled from. A gentle breeze blows through, carrying the scent of flowers and herbs from an ornately decorated altar set off in front of one of the stone doorways. The mage closes his book and steps out of the water, addressing a matronly old woman. Behind her are two younger people, a rough-looking man, and a meek young girl, both of whom are also watching the mage.
“I detect no ill will from the gods, it seems we've been blessed with success.” Those that had gathered all breathe a sigh of relief and now seem pleased.
The old woman smiles and steps forward, offering to take your hands and help you stand. “Any gift the gods give us is one we will happily take. I'm certain you have many questions, and they will all be answered in time. For now, rest and know you will be taken care of.”
She pats the top of your hand and steps away with a serene smile, letting one of the others come forward with some clothes that seem to fit you perfectly. Once you're dressed, someone approaches to drape a delicate-looking charm depicting a long-horned creature with large wings on a thin chain over your neck. Ask around later, and you may find that it is a symbol of Vielehauffe, the God of the Herd.
The rough-looking man from before steps forward once you're decent and motions with his head outside of the stone circle. His speech is informal, his consonants harsh.
“Hold your horses, I can see all those questions coming about! Rowan March, at your service. I'm one of the council members of Solvunn. There's a lot to discuss, but it's best talked about over a hot meal.” He leads you to a horse-drawn carriage and helps you up into the back. He talks the entire ride to the settlement.
You find out you are in the Primary Settlement, the first of three that make up Solvunn's great territory. The settlement is situated between two lakes and is humming with life. You're brought to the center of town and escorted to an apartment above one of the establishments in town. Rowan explains that the living conditions are temporary if you'd like them to be, that local families would also be happy to host you in their home. That there are others like you who have also taken up residence within the three settlements. You're told that the world hangs upon the brink of disaster and that there are those in this world that are happy to see it fall to ruin with their meddling.
You're important. The gods have graced them with your presence. They're delighted you're here. Welcome to Solvunn.
Everything you need has been provided in this humble apartment, and if it hasn't, there are shops that line the streets and a marketplace in the center of town. Owners of some establishments or stalls are more than happy to give out samples or barter with your time for their goods. Babysitting can be a very lucrative business. You're told of the other settlements, that they'd like you to stay here for now, but if you can find a family to host you, the secondary and tertiary settlements are best to get to with an escort.
There are tales of travelers visiting the secondary settlement without invitation disappearing without a trace. The gods are as hungry as they are protective, young traveler.
You’ll find that there are more than enough activities to throw yourself into to better settle into your new life in Solvunn. Work is done in the first part of the day so that families can spend the rest of it together in leisure and work on their crafts - whatever those may be. For those children who are not of school age, they need nannies or storytellers, and there’s always a gaggle of them running about unsupervised. Families with livestock can always take a spare hand, especially since farms are so spread out, they have a tendency to wander. Whatever skills you may possess can always be of use to the community or to honor the gods.
If any of these options are no good for your lifestyle, the main roads between settlements can always use a bit of monster clean-up… just make sure you don’t go alone.
How many slots are open?
Please check the Taken page for how many player, franchise, and canon slots are available. Activity check will be processed before applications open, so the count may change between now and then. Existing players can apply for a second character without restriction.
How do I choose a scenario for my character?
Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Which faction your character is drawn into has nothing to do with their personal morality, beliefs, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into any one of the situations.
Can I try out more than one scenario?
You can! But please keep in mind that only the one you eventually choose can be game canon, if you decide to keep any of your TDM threads.
What happens if my character refuses to comply with the NPCs?
They will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and the faction leaders will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, they will be warned once that everyone is willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight they will make good on that promise.
My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the cities, murdering the NPCs, etc.), what would happen to them?
Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other NPCs would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude and intervention from various NPC guards, and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Abraxans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.
I want to wildcard a prompt or use one of the prompts from an earlier TDM that isn't on this one (eg. the library), can I do that?
Yes, in terms of the settings. As Thorne is no longer imprisoning any newcomers, that option is no longer applicable.
Is the power loss for characters permanent?
No, but it does take a week or so for their powers to be back in full, and certain powers (determined on a case-by-case basis) may require nerfs. If your character has world-breaking powers, please discuss with the mods what modifications may be necessary.
Can my character leave the bounds of the faction?
In Thorne, characters can leave the castle but not the city. In Cadens, they can take a trip from the outpost to the city. In Solvunn, they can explore the entirety of the Primary Settlement.
Can my character eventually change factions?
Yes. While the faction borders are currently closed, there will opportunities in the future for characters to relocate. For the time being, they are stuck where they are.
How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?
This choice will determine where your character initially lives as well as the bias of the information they receive from NPCs (although other PCs can and most likely will give it to them a bit more straight). This decision - and every other major decision you make in game! - will also be used to flavor some mod surprises that will be coming down the line.
Don't get too anxious about this choice, though; this is just one choice you'll get to make in a game that has a lot of them, and every character in every scenario can work their way towards many, many individual goals and outcomes. You're not locking yourself out of anything in the future via the choice you made on the TDM. It will primarily impact the immediate future with the far-reaching effects being up to each player.
Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?
No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the three scenarios on your application.
What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?
You can ignore sign-related prompts if you're undecided (or try out different signs in different threads).
Can my character go to the Horizon?
First time visitors to the Horizon must be taken there by other characters, through either shared meditation or a physical journey to the Singularity, and all first-timers experience memory loss. For the purposes of the TDM, we suggest against using the Horizon.
What about making use of the network?
Much like Horizon they would need to be introduced to it by another PC, as no NPCs would be aware of the network or be able to access it. Because of this we would advise against using this mechanic for TDM top-levels.
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beta » horizon forbidden west » solvunn/tentative high priestess
to her credit, she makes it through the preliminary issues-- arrival, greeting, the journey back. she gives off the impression of a fish out of water the entire time and one who's painfully aware of it. arms crossed as she folds in on herself, already mentally berating herself for stepping out of her new apartment. for someone raised with minimal human contact, a tool surrounded by virtual reality and holograms and machines, even the small number of people making their way through the area is overwhelming.
but it's fine, it is. she can handle something like this, she's doing better now.
at least, until the offerings and reverence begin.
it starts with one or two people with bounties to share. they're just being kind, she knows that. but the awe on their face sends a chill up her spine, and despite it all, it makes her remember the unfeeling faces of her servitor caretakers. they're being kind, sharing what they have but-- their eyes don't see her, not really. when Beta doesn't refuse the initial gifts, another joins them. the creeping feel of unreality that comes with the loss of the Focus, the unfamiliar, smiling faces, the increasing number of people around her-- it becomes too much all at once.
the path back the way she came forgotten, Beta's bolts, pushing through the slowly growing crowds without a single apology or excuse me.
eventually, she ends up somewhere cool and dark, curled into a corner and struggling for breath. ]
b. storytelling + crafts
she tries crafts as well, determined to try and do something productive in this new world.
still, it's slow going is her clear frustration is anything to go by. she seems to be able to follow the instructions just fine, but it's....clinical. she follows the motions, but there's no creativity or joy in her work, just another step ina lost list of instructions. with a huff, she flings it away from her and-- oops. that might have been someone's head. ]
c. wildcard
a.
which is to say: he both gets it and he hates it.
if he hadn't spent four years imprisoned immediately after said kidnapping, he probably would have found himself in an equally cool and dark area of the house, wondering what the hell had just happened.
as it stands, he's double the age he was then (ish, give or take a few), far more world-weary — a word for it — and slightly, marginally, kinda equipped to roll with the punches. that's not to say he really gets what's going on here — someone, somewhere, has made a major mistake — but he's somewhat able to wrap his head around it. like, in a general concept kind of way, even if there's a part of him that feels like drax, muttering about how this is all—
"—sorcery!" he says, in a deep —feigned— voice. he doesn't mean to intrude, and there's a very brief moment where he considers walking backwards pretending he hadn't seen or heard anything. it's fleeting and it's punctuated by an audible groan directed wholly at himself before— )
You alright, kiddo? ( a beat. stupid question, quill, the kid's clearly not alright. ) Long and slow breaths, ( he adds after a moment, hand hovering awkwardly between himself and her ), pretend you've got a paper bag.
no subject
Who--
[ She doesn't even finish the question, scurrying back like a cornered animal. Still, she makes no move to lash out. Unlike Aloy, even considering the few years between them, she doesn't have the benefit of strength and muscles built over years of climbing cliffs and hunting. Beta's thin, and pale, like she's barely seen the sun her whole life. Even if she tried to strike out to protect herself, could she?
It's doubtful.
So she continues to watch him, the beginning of attempts to follow his instructions clear in the way she's managing a slower breath for every few panicked ones. ]
no subject
not that it matters, really.
peter glances back in the direction beta had come from: he's not really sure if there's anything other than the general situation that's got her spooked, but again — does it really matter? he imagines rocket would be telling him to forget it, not his business; gamora would — actually be really useful right about now. drax too, probably. maybe not groot — talking trees probably aren't the easiest pill to swallow if you aren't used to them.
he doesn't miss the way she backs away from him, but he also doesn't miss the way she tries to slow her breathing. he crouches, then, but doesn't move any closer to her. )
That's it, kid. In and out. Like you're— ( uhhhhh, like you're what? he's not really sure. all he really knows is the paper bag thing. ) Like, um, your lungs are really big balloons—.
( if he'd planned on there being anything else to that sentence, he doesn't finish it. instead, he opts to shift from crouching to sitting on the ground, back resting against a wall, knees bent and arms crossed. he gives beta a once over, looking out for any immediate signs of harm, before directing his attention to their surroundings. )
Forget I said that. ( a beat. ) When I was thirteen, ( punctuated by a sidelong glance, a vague effort to gauge beta's age. ), I was kidnapped from my home planet by aliens and then chucked into space prison. ( a quick, upwards quirk of his lips. ) Trust me, it's as weird as it sounds. Anyway, it was terrifying. D'you know how much screaming I did? ( it's a rhetorical question, really, because peter did all of the screaming. )
storytime
Still, she travels in from the forest every so often, mostly to do odd jobs nad make a little bit of coin, just in case. Farming isn't something that suits her, but she's willing to move supplies or track down wayward livestock. In true Aloy fashion, however, she rejects offers of gifts and attempts to get down to business, at least until she's thoroughly distracted by a group of children across the square.
This time, a familiar face (so familiar, of course. It's Elisabet's, and her own) catches her attention. She watches for a moment, as if deciding whether or not this is real, then decides that it doesn't really matter.]
You're good at this. [Aloy invites herself to take a seat, folding her arms over her knees. It doesn't really matter if Beta is good at recounting some old Earth television show or not--the point is that Aloy has never been more glad to see someone since she arrived here two months ago. Her smile, usually tight-lipped and awkward, is subdued but fully genuine. The children around them might as well not exist.] Beta.
no subject
That same heart jolts to a stop momentarily at the sound of her own voice, the sight of her own face echoed back at her. There's a moment of complete silence as she just stares at Aloy, wide-eyed, before: ]
Aloy! It's you! It's--
[ She bobs forward like she's going to go in for a hug, before snapping back like she's not quite sure if she should. She'd done it, once, riding high on the joy and disbelief of the Zenith's defeat. What a pair they make, two Elisabet clones, neither quite sure how to handle simple affection everyone else seemed to get naturally.
All at once, reality seems to sink in and shock melts into relief melts into joy, likely the happiest Beta has ever actually looked. ]
You're here!
[ I'm not alone again isn't said, but there's something akin to it in her eyes. ]
hooogh im so sorry i had a hell of a work week
That said, she's still not so good at the emotional stuff. Beta's arms raise for a hug and Aloy is almost ready to open herself up to it when the action is aborted. It leaves them both hovering a little awkwardly for a moment, before Aloy decides to salvage things by putting a hand on her shoulder, instead, letting it slide a little down her arm.]
Beta, it's--
[Relieving, in a way she didn't expect. She knows by now that the mages here pull in people in pairs, in groups--it makes sense. Aloy had just convinced herself, as always, that she'd end up alone. That was fine, of course. Nothing she wasn't used to, but after assembling her team at the Base, she finds herself missing them all more than she expected. Strange, to have people to rely on. That she cares for.]
--it's really good to see you. [Beta is, of course, part of that.] When did you get here?
b.
Michael turns and glares, looking around for the guilty party. If her expression doesn't give Beta away, it's that she is the only one with nothing between her hands. He tries to think of what his former guide to humanity might have said in this situation. 'Be nice, it was probably an accident'?
He collects the object from the ground, and brings it back to her.]
You dropped your—[Sock? Basket? Tiny blanket? Now that he's looking at it, he realizes has no idea what it's meant to be.]—work.
[For a moment he's silent, examining it. Then he looks up at her. He can't find fault in her technical skill, but he can't read its ultimate purpose.]
What were you making?
no subject
Instead, she glares at the craft in his hands petulantly, like it's done something to offend her before her eyes drop to his feet. She's made progress on a lot of things since escaping the Zenith's, but looking someone in the eye isn't really one of them. Everything about her telegraphs uncomfortable around people, and she can't even hide it. ]
It's supposed to be some kind of wall decoration, a wreath, or... It doesn't matter. It's not working.
[ She can hear Varl's voice at that, a gentle scolding at being defeatist so quickly, but-- It hurts too much to think about him. It's shoved away. ]
I followed all the instructions and it's-- Just-- I can't get it so there's no point.
no subject
Conveniently, he's also the sort of person to find eye contact optional. There's even something familiar to her downcast gaze. It's the same kind of deferential body language his siblings used to approach him with.
So if Beta's a bit peculiar—well, he's not one to find it off-putting.]
If its only purpose is decorative, you could just call it complete. Art is subjective.
[She might not get a whole lot of buyers at the market, but the locals seem too polite to refuse a gift.]
Though if you're not even certain what it's meant to be, of course you're not getting anywhere. There's no sense to the steps if you don't know what your goal is, is there?
[He picks at the part that looks most obviously 'wrong' to him, oblivious to the possibility that it might be rude to undo someone else's work. It smacked him in the head, he's allowed to mess with it.]
a
If he can not bear arms then he will be her shield, though the crowd does not part fast enough for him before she bolts. He prowls after her wordlessly, passing the natives with narrowed eyes somewhere between scorn and apology.
When he finds her curled up he stands over her and struggles for a moment want to say. It was easy to comfort a wounded soldier, but her discomfort was invisible. Still, he tries, finally crouching down on his knees and sinking one into the ground. He reaches out with his hand but draws back, resting it on his thigh. She is so unlike Aloy in some ways and so terrifyingly like her in others, and he is compelled to approach with as much respect as possible—both had more than earned it. He rumbles softly, considerately. ]
It is overbearing.
no subject
The logical part of her knows the mental barrage of insults she's unleashing on herself isn't going to help, but-- It's there regardless.
And yet it helps at the same time, the sound of a familiar voice.
She peeks up from under her arms, trying to get her rapid breathing under control. ]
They-- They're not...Who they see. It's not me.
[ That they're looking at. Some idea of her maybe, but not Beta herself. No one sees Beta when they look at her, the cruel part of her brain whispers. It's Elisabet, it's Aloy, it's some idea worthy of their awe.
But never Beta. ]