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abraxasooc2021-05-20 09:20 pm
abraxasmods) wrote in abraxasooc2021-05-20 09:20 pm
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TEST DRIVE MEME #1
TEST DRIVE MEME
Welcome to the very first test drive meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the two different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own here. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.
You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.
You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.
There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. Through the opening you can see a bright room, but it's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.
A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground. Once you catch your breath, you can get a better look at the surroundings: tall trees and even taller stone pillars surround the platform you're laying on. Behind you is an ornate fountain, the base of which is so deep and so dark you might be compelled to scramble away from it lest it suck you back in to that endless abyss. Ahead of you are the walls of a large castle with several tall towers reaching up towards the sky.
If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either.
Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card baring the image of one of the arcana.
An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at a mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. He peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.
"I beg your pardon," he says, so absorbed in the pages of the book that he doesn't bother to look up, "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. One of my apprentices will explain everything in a moment, but please refrain from yelling and thrashing about until then. You're quite alright, and screaming gives me a hell of a headache."
Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the heavy tome, until he stops on one specific page, stares at it for a moment, and then exclaims:
"Aha!"
Ambrose's expression brightens, eyes twinkling with delight. He waves one of the apprentices over with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals and with a wave of his hand they reshape to fit you perfectly.
"Success! It's a success!" he exclaims, slamming the book shut and scurrying towards you.
Now that he's not hunching over the book, he doesn't seem quite so stuffy and inapproachable. The apprentices all seem quite relieved at his jovial outburst, and the one that handed you the tunic stops to take the tarot card down from the marble slab. If you show any curiosity about the card, they'll let you take a longer look, but won't let you touch it.
"Please, come with me, you're an honored guest here," he says, motioning for you to follow him towards the castle, "As promised, my pupils will explain your current situation. And, ah - if you had any magic of your own, or other special abilities you can't access right now, fear not, they'll return within the week. The summoning takes a lot out of you."
One of the apprentices steps forward and rattles on and on about the castle, Thorne itself, the names of a bunch of royals and nobles, and of course, your reason for being here. The Kingdom and the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.
Once inside the castle you're taken to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (everyone appears to have arrived within the last few days), or you can wander around and meet the others.
There's also a dining hall stocked with all sorts of fancy food to meet every possible dietary need, and a library filled with epic tales and legends and the history of Thorne. Given that this is the Thorne library, it may be a biased account that makes the Kingdom look a fair bit better than the rest of the world sees them. Last but not least, there's a study hall where a few junior mages (younger and less experienced than the apprentices from earlier) might be willing to teach you some simple elemental magic. Think holding a small flame in the palm of your hand, or blowing a door shut with a gust of wind.
You may also notice that your sign is embroidered on your tunic: the same image you saw on the card from before with the name of the sign itself beneath it. If you ask the castle residents, they'll tell you a little bit about your sign (and will mostly stick to the positives, although some might point out the negatives).
Last (and, if you ask anyone else in the castle, least) there is a worn stone staircase leading underground to the dungeon. You can go there, if you wish, but all powers are restricted in the dungeons and spending too much time with the prisoners will lead to some suspicion being cast upon you. If you ask anyone why the prisoners are being held there, you'll be told that they pose a great threat to the Kingdom (and, by extension, the entire world).
The High Mage scowls, grinding his teeth as he slams the book shut. "Another failure!" he barks at the apprentices, "You lot wouldn't know your ass from a hole in the ground, would you?"
All four of them lower their heads, and two of them mumble an apology that Ambrose either doesn't hear or refuses to acknowledge. "Well, don't just stand there," he says, waving a hand in the air, "We've put all this effort into getting this wretched creature, we may as well put it to good use."
One of the apprentices drops a baggy, rough-feeling tunic, a pair of pants, and some worn sandals in your lap and glares down at you until you put them on (if you refuse, they'll tell you they can kick you back down that well if you don't want to cooperate). They're glaring at the High Mage as much as they're glaring at you (when they're sure he isn't looking, anyway). You might catch one of them long enough to ask them why they're so upset with you, but all they'll say is that the High Mage knows something they don't, and he's awfully upset about it.
Once you're fully clothed, another apprentice clamps some heavy iron shackles around your wrists and leads you on. The High Mage is far ahead of you already, muttering some long string of Thornean curses before he stands up straight and pauses, spinning to face you.
"One more thing," he says, holding one hand in the air and chanting something under his breath, "Can't have you getting too troublesome."
If you had powers, the slight connection you still had to them slips away completely and you're left with nothing as the four apprentices drag you towards the castle. They may answer a few of your questions (with some insults and curses peppered in), but they won't tell you anything important.
Once you arrive at the castle you're brought to the dungeons and thrown into a locked cell. There are four people to a cell, and two sets of bunk beds with a thin and lumpy straw mattress. If you're over six feet tall, these beds are going to be awfully uncomfortable. You might as well meet your roommates. Once per day you're dragged out to an enclosed courtyard for one hour of recreation (with some crude weights, benches, and balls lying around but not much else), where you can meet the rest of the prisoners, but you can also talk to your immediate neighbors in the cells on either side and across the hallway. Just don't yell too much or the guards will snap at you to be quiet.
Everyone in the dungeon is fed one meal a day, and for a prison meal it's decent: a bit of meat, a bun, and a salad. It would seem that the Thornean chefs take too much pride in their craft to send bad food to the dungeons. The meals are all served in equal portions, though, so the smaller prisoners may be overfed and the larger ones may be getting hungry. Feel free to fight for food or share with your cellmates.
Crudely embroidered on the back of every prison tunic is the same image that was on your card and the name of the sign beneath it. A guard may explain a bit about the sign, and tell you some negative stereotypes they hold about yours.
You may be blessed with a visit from one of the more welcomed newcomers, and they may sneak you some extra food or a small book to read or they may share some of the information they've gathered. However, rumors travel fast and some people believe the honored guests in the castle above are somehow responsible for the lot of the prisoners below. And although you may hope for kindness, there's nothing stopping them from being cruel to you if they wish. The guards will certainly turn a blind eye if one of them wishes to take out their frustrations on you.
Questions
How do I choose a scenario for my character?
Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Whether your character is honored or imprisoned has nothing to do with their personal morality, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into either situation.
Can I try out both scenarios?
You can! But please keep in mind that only the one you eventually choose can be game canon, if you decide to keep any of your TDM threads.
What happens if my character refuses to comply with Ambrose?
Prisoners will be dragged against their will. Honored guests will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and Ambrose and the apprentice mages will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, Ambrose will warn them once that he's willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight he will make good on that promise.
My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the castle, murdering the castle staff, etc.), what would happen to them?
Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other staff would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude (if they are an honored guest) or a punishment like denial of food or temporary solitary confinement (if they are a prisoner), and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Thorneans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.
Ambrose will take it especially personally, as this experiment was his idea and too much trouble would risk the summoning spell being scrapped and potentially result in him being demoted. Rest assured it does not take much for him to throw someone back in the well at this point in time.
Is the power loss for the prisoners permanent?
No, although honored guests will regain their powers first due to the lack of interference from Ambrose, the prisoners will be able to regain theirs soon enough as well.
Can the prisoners talk about anything private, or will they be overheard at all times?
There are guards patrolling the dungeon, but they aren't always within earshot. Most of the attention is being focused on the new guests, so the prisoners will have some opportunities for privacy.
Can my character leave the castle?
For now they will be prevented from leaving the castle, even if they are an honored guest. A bit of a gilded cage, isn't it? They'll also find that any powers they regain cease to work outside of the castle walls (this is also a temporary effect) so flying outside is not an option.
Can my character eventually side against Thorne if I choose to make them an honored guest/can they side with Thorne if I choose to imprison them?
Yes, characters in Scenario 1 will be able to betray Thorne, and characters in Scenario 2 can work themselves into Thorne's good graces.
How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?
This choice will have a major impact on gameplay throughout the first few months of the game, and potentially a bit beyond that depending on where our players guide the plot. This decision - and every other major decision you make in game! - will also be used to flavor some mod surprises that will be coming down the line.
Don't get too anxious about this choice, though; this is just one choice you'll get to make in a game that has a lot of them, and every character in both scenarios can work their way towards many, many individual goals and outcomes. You're not locking yourself out of anything in the future via the choice you made on the TDM. It will primarily impact the immediate future with the far-reaching effects being up to each player.
Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?
No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the two scenarios on your application.
What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?
You can ignore sign-related prompts if you're undecided (or try out different signs in different threads).
Can a put a character on the TDM if their canon is less than 30 days old?
Yes. For this app round, anything that's at least 30 days old when the game opens on June 12th can be applied from.
Do the apprentice mages have names?
Their names are Jeffrey, Grigory, Noelle, and Jolene.
Arrival
You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.
You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.
There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. Through the opening you can see a bright room, but it's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.
A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground. Once you catch your breath, you can get a better look at the surroundings: tall trees and even taller stone pillars surround the platform you're laying on. Behind you is an ornate fountain, the base of which is so deep and so dark you might be compelled to scramble away from it lest it suck you back in to that endless abyss. Ahead of you are the walls of a large castle with several tall towers reaching up towards the sky.
If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either.
Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card baring the image of one of the arcana.
An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at a mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. He peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.
"I beg your pardon," he says, so absorbed in the pages of the book that he doesn't bother to look up, "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. One of my apprentices will explain everything in a moment, but please refrain from yelling and thrashing about until then. You're quite alright, and screaming gives me a hell of a headache."
Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the heavy tome, until he stops on one specific page, stares at it for a moment, and then exclaims:
"Aha!"
Scenario One: Welcome to Thorne
Ambrose's expression brightens, eyes twinkling with delight. He waves one of the apprentices over with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals and with a wave of his hand they reshape to fit you perfectly.
"Success! It's a success!" he exclaims, slamming the book shut and scurrying towards you.
Now that he's not hunching over the book, he doesn't seem quite so stuffy and inapproachable. The apprentices all seem quite relieved at his jovial outburst, and the one that handed you the tunic stops to take the tarot card down from the marble slab. If you show any curiosity about the card, they'll let you take a longer look, but won't let you touch it.
"Please, come with me, you're an honored guest here," he says, motioning for you to follow him towards the castle, "As promised, my pupils will explain your current situation. And, ah - if you had any magic of your own, or other special abilities you can't access right now, fear not, they'll return within the week. The summoning takes a lot out of you."
One of the apprentices steps forward and rattles on and on about the castle, Thorne itself, the names of a bunch of royals and nobles, and of course, your reason for being here. The Kingdom and the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.
Once inside the castle you're taken to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (everyone appears to have arrived within the last few days), or you can wander around and meet the others.
There's also a dining hall stocked with all sorts of fancy food to meet every possible dietary need, and a library filled with epic tales and legends and the history of Thorne. Given that this is the Thorne library, it may be a biased account that makes the Kingdom look a fair bit better than the rest of the world sees them. Last but not least, there's a study hall where a few junior mages (younger and less experienced than the apprentices from earlier) might be willing to teach you some simple elemental magic. Think holding a small flame in the palm of your hand, or blowing a door shut with a gust of wind.
You may also notice that your sign is embroidered on your tunic: the same image you saw on the card from before with the name of the sign itself beneath it. If you ask the castle residents, they'll tell you a little bit about your sign (and will mostly stick to the positives, although some might point out the negatives).
Last (and, if you ask anyone else in the castle, least) there is a worn stone staircase leading underground to the dungeon. You can go there, if you wish, but all powers are restricted in the dungeons and spending too much time with the prisoners will lead to some suspicion being cast upon you. If you ask anyone why the prisoners are being held there, you'll be told that they pose a great threat to the Kingdom (and, by extension, the entire world).
Scenario Two: Imprisoned
The High Mage scowls, grinding his teeth as he slams the book shut. "Another failure!" he barks at the apprentices, "You lot wouldn't know your ass from a hole in the ground, would you?"
All four of them lower their heads, and two of them mumble an apology that Ambrose either doesn't hear or refuses to acknowledge. "Well, don't just stand there," he says, waving a hand in the air, "We've put all this effort into getting this wretched creature, we may as well put it to good use."
One of the apprentices drops a baggy, rough-feeling tunic, a pair of pants, and some worn sandals in your lap and glares down at you until you put them on (if you refuse, they'll tell you they can kick you back down that well if you don't want to cooperate). They're glaring at the High Mage as much as they're glaring at you (when they're sure he isn't looking, anyway). You might catch one of them long enough to ask them why they're so upset with you, but all they'll say is that the High Mage knows something they don't, and he's awfully upset about it.
Once you're fully clothed, another apprentice clamps some heavy iron shackles around your wrists and leads you on. The High Mage is far ahead of you already, muttering some long string of Thornean curses before he stands up straight and pauses, spinning to face you.
"One more thing," he says, holding one hand in the air and chanting something under his breath, "Can't have you getting too troublesome."
If you had powers, the slight connection you still had to them slips away completely and you're left with nothing as the four apprentices drag you towards the castle. They may answer a few of your questions (with some insults and curses peppered in), but they won't tell you anything important.
Once you arrive at the castle you're brought to the dungeons and thrown into a locked cell. There are four people to a cell, and two sets of bunk beds with a thin and lumpy straw mattress. If you're over six feet tall, these beds are going to be awfully uncomfortable. You might as well meet your roommates. Once per day you're dragged out to an enclosed courtyard for one hour of recreation (with some crude weights, benches, and balls lying around but not much else), where you can meet the rest of the prisoners, but you can also talk to your immediate neighbors in the cells on either side and across the hallway. Just don't yell too much or the guards will snap at you to be quiet.
Everyone in the dungeon is fed one meal a day, and for a prison meal it's decent: a bit of meat, a bun, and a salad. It would seem that the Thornean chefs take too much pride in their craft to send bad food to the dungeons. The meals are all served in equal portions, though, so the smaller prisoners may be overfed and the larger ones may be getting hungry. Feel free to fight for food or share with your cellmates.
Crudely embroidered on the back of every prison tunic is the same image that was on your card and the name of the sign beneath it. A guard may explain a bit about the sign, and tell you some negative stereotypes they hold about yours.
You may be blessed with a visit from one of the more welcomed newcomers, and they may sneak you some extra food or a small book to read or they may share some of the information they've gathered. However, rumors travel fast and some people believe the honored guests in the castle above are somehow responsible for the lot of the prisoners below. And although you may hope for kindness, there's nothing stopping them from being cruel to you if they wish. The guards will certainly turn a blind eye if one of them wishes to take out their frustrations on you.
How do I choose a scenario for my character?
Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Whether your character is honored or imprisoned has nothing to do with their personal morality, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into either situation.
Can I try out both scenarios?
You can! But please keep in mind that only the one you eventually choose can be game canon, if you decide to keep any of your TDM threads.
What happens if my character refuses to comply with Ambrose?
Prisoners will be dragged against their will. Honored guests will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and Ambrose and the apprentice mages will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, Ambrose will warn them once that he's willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight he will make good on that promise.
My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the castle, murdering the castle staff, etc.), what would happen to them?
Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other staff would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude (if they are an honored guest) or a punishment like denial of food or temporary solitary confinement (if they are a prisoner), and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Thorneans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.
Ambrose will take it especially personally, as this experiment was his idea and too much trouble would risk the summoning spell being scrapped and potentially result in him being demoted. Rest assured it does not take much for him to throw someone back in the well at this point in time.
Is the power loss for the prisoners permanent?
No, although honored guests will regain their powers first due to the lack of interference from Ambrose, the prisoners will be able to regain theirs soon enough as well.
Can the prisoners talk about anything private, or will they be overheard at all times?
There are guards patrolling the dungeon, but they aren't always within earshot. Most of the attention is being focused on the new guests, so the prisoners will have some opportunities for privacy.
Can my character leave the castle?
For now they will be prevented from leaving the castle, even if they are an honored guest. A bit of a gilded cage, isn't it? They'll also find that any powers they regain cease to work outside of the castle walls (this is also a temporary effect) so flying outside is not an option.
Can my character eventually side against Thorne if I choose to make them an honored guest/can they side with Thorne if I choose to imprison them?
Yes, characters in Scenario 1 will be able to betray Thorne, and characters in Scenario 2 can work themselves into Thorne's good graces.
How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?
This choice will have a major impact on gameplay throughout the first few months of the game, and potentially a bit beyond that depending on where our players guide the plot. This decision - and every other major decision you make in game! - will also be used to flavor some mod surprises that will be coming down the line.
Don't get too anxious about this choice, though; this is just one choice you'll get to make in a game that has a lot of them, and every character in both scenarios can work their way towards many, many individual goals and outcomes. You're not locking yourself out of anything in the future via the choice you made on the TDM. It will primarily impact the immediate future with the far-reaching effects being up to each player.
Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?
No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the two scenarios on your application.
What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?
You can ignore sign-related prompts if you're undecided (or try out different signs in different threads).
Can a put a character on the TDM if their canon is less than 30 days old?
Yes. For this app round, anything that's at least 30 days old when the game opens on June 12th can be applied from.
Do the apprentice mages have names?
Their names are Jeffrey, Grigory, Noelle, and Jolene.
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Roommates
And perhaps part of him that wanted the sister that never second guess him or seemed to resent his position. But that thought left him guilty and cross with himself.
He finally stepped forward, worried she might not know him...or even want him.]
Sansa?
no subject
Jon?
[It doesn't matter that he isn't her true brother. It doesn't matter that they were never close. He is still home, still part of Winterfell and the North and those now far-gone days when things had been all right and she was still a sweet summer child who believed in songs.]
[She is halfway towards him, her usual timidity gone in the urge to embrace him, before it strikes her that he may not feel so warmly towards her. What has he heard, North of the Wall, about his half-sister? That she named her father a traitor and stood there with the Lannisters as he was beheaded? That she wrote and begged Robb to yield? That she was wedded to the Imp, that she conspired with him to murder?]
[Her arms, half-raised, drop limply to her sides, and she steps back again, biting her lip, suddenly afraid.]
You... [She can't seem to look at him any more. Her eyes lower again, dart off to the side.] You've changed. You look well.
no subject
But this Sansa never reunited with him, apparently never suffered a marriage with Ramsay or turned completely cold. He could only grin with relief, rather than regret at what she forgot. This was a fresh start with the sister he once knew.
His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight.]
You look different too. [Younger, happier and so much like her mother...much to his regret.]
I am glad you are here and not below.
no subject
[He didn't look like Jon, and he didn't quite sound like Jon, and he didn't smell like Jon, but he was Jon. She knew that, deep inside herself, knew it from what he said and how he said it and from the small movements of his face when he spoke, which had never before seemed so blessedly familiar and comforting. And he did not know what she had done, or if he knew he had forgiven her, and he wasn't the family she would have chosen, but he was family nonetheless, and as she held him tightly, her fingers tightening against the back of his tunic, she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.]
[After a moment, she pulled away just far enough to look up at him, a small frown creasing her forehead.]
What do you mean, below?
[She hadn't asked many questions about the castle so far, and so hadn't been told about the crowded dungeons beneath.]
no subject
There was no real going back, but this was a second or third chance. No more bitterness, no more resentment on either side. They could band together and be a true pack.
He frowned, having assumed she knew of the prisoners. Oh God's, he'd have to keep Cersei from knowing Sansa was here.]
There are dungeons below. It's where they are sending the ones that were brought here by mistake or were some sort of disappointment. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
no subject
[She looked up at him, and smiled again, scanning his face, trying to find the boy who left Winterfell in the man before her. She could see him, when she looked; it was still Jon, in the end.]
If that's the case... Well, I'm glad you're not there, too.
Mother's mercy, Jon, I never thought I'd see you again! [And she hugged him tightly again, trying not to give in to the thick knot of tears in her throat.]
no subject
[Jon Snow, once again knowing nothing.
He could only marvel at her youth and warmth, basking in the affection he didn't realize he was longing for, even after their reunion at the Wall. It was almost like this was his real sister, finally arriving at last. Not that they were ever close before...]
Different paths can lead to the same castle. I think we will always find our way home.
Where were you before coming here?
[How far back did her memory go?]
no subject
[Winterfell was home. Winterfell, and Arya and Bran and Rickon and Robb, and their father, and their mother, and the godswood red in the evening light. Winterfell would always be home, and Winterfell was still far away, beyond reaching. And Jon was a comfort, and she was glad to see him in a way she had never been before King's Landing, but he didn't make it home.]
[At his question, she hesitated, not sure what to say, or what he already knew. The truth should be easiest, but the truth had become such dear currency lately, and more than anything, she wanted not to turn him against her. The truth was a path laid with traps, things she didn't want to examine, things she would sooner he never know.]
[But she didn't want to lie, either. Not to him, not when their reunion felt so fresh and full of hope. She sighed.]
...The Vale. I was in the Vale, with Aunt Lysa. [Littlefinger, she decides, doesn't need to be mentioned just yet.]
no subject
He reached for her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze in an effort to stave off the sadness. He didn't want the gloom drifting between them, possibly returning her to that hardened state that seemed worse than a wall of ice.] We have to be home for each other for awhile.
[Which he was willing to be, if he could. Though his face darkened slightly at the mention of the Eyrie.]
I take it Littlefinger is still guarding you?
no subject
[For her part, Sansa isn't sure that guarding is the right word. He looks at her, sometimes, in ways that make her skin crawl, and it wasn't him who, in the end, guarded her when she had actually needed it, when Marillion came to her bed. Nor was he the one she entrusted herself to in King's Landing, not knowingly. Poor, dead Ser Dontos shivers in her memory, the way that the Blackwater had closed over him. Petyr Baelish, she suspects, guards only what is his, and no matter whether she may call him her lord father in public, she is not his.]
[In any case, he isn't here, so far as he can tell. Perhaps that shouldn't relieve her, but it does.]
[She looks up at Jon, her brother whose name was never Stark, and a small, sad smile tugs at her lips.]
They call me Alayne Stone, there.
[So you aren't the only bastard among us any more, she means. And, perhaps, in the space of that meaning, I'm sorry.]
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[She hadn't spoken much about the Eyrie when they reunited, only what happened at Winterfell. Perhaps he should have asked, but Sansa wasn't too interested in sharing, more closed off to him in a way than she had ever been. Even with her gestures of affection.
He doesn't sense the apology, but he does catch the irony. True, it put them near equal level, given that she had to pretend to be a bastard and would be treated as such. But she would always be trueborn in her heart of hearts. She knew her mother, she had a mother once along with a birthright.
He could only chuckle. Well, it was still an interesting turn and, as much as he hated to give Littlefinger credit, a good disguise for her.]
What did you make of your time as a Stone?
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[His question, though, gave her pause, and the smile faded again. What did you make of it? It had not been a long time, and it had passed in something of a blur. Also, of course, it had not been total by any means. Lord Baelish knew who she was from the start. Aunt Lysa had seen through her immediately. She had never really been anything but a Stark.]
[Outside of that...]
[She swallows, one hand coming up to wind in her hair - red again, not brown. Her own Tully hair, her own Stark self. Tully or Stark or Stone, though, it has seemed to make little difference. She is still herself, whatever name she has, and it seems that whoever she is, the same fears and losses beset her. Does it really matter whether it is a king or an imp or a singer who threatens to climb into her bed? Whether she is a traitor, a lady, or nothing at all?]
[She can't say any of that to Jon. Not now, and perhaps not ever. She would be too ashamed, and he doesn't need to know. Still, her silence lingers a little too long, her fingers twisting nervously through strands of auburn.]
...I don't think people were so unkind to me as they were to you.
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He had to appreciate her acknowledgement of what he faced. Were he still a boy, he might have held that closer to his heart. After the tiring years and how worn he felt, it was a small glimpse of warmth. What he could note was that these words meant more than her apology before.]
It helps you are a pretty woman. [Again, he is attempting to make her laugh.] All I have is my hair.
[She was still so young and suffered a great deal. He didn't want to put further stress on her, not while they were here, facing an unknown fight or whatever reason they were brought here.]
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[Sometimes, she wishes she wasn't a pretty woman. Sometimes, she has wished to be almost anything else. There are burdens to being a pretty woman that Septa Mordane never told her, that she never dreamed of in those happy days in Winterfell. Bruises on pale skin, and the terror of blood blossoming on the sheets, and men who watch with hungry eyes, making her feel less like a wolf than a deer.]
[Sansa smiles at her brother, but it's a small and ladylike smile now, born out of a desire to please rather than out of genuine feeling, and the shadow still clouds her eyes.] You have a lot more than that, Jon.
It's different for women, I think.
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[He was failing at trying to connect with her, but given that he was forcing it, it was little surprise it fell flat. She was smarter than that and grown so much. That smile alone reminded him how often she had to pretend and placate. Of course, the Sansa he left had abandoned that completely and was determined to get her way in all things, but this Sansa...he suspects she was closer to the one in King's Landing.]
You have family here now...if that helps?
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Of course it helps, Jon. I've missed you.
[And it's true - she has missed him, even if she's missed him less than the others. She's even missed the sourness between them, in a strange way. It was honest in a way that so little in her life has been, these past few months.]
[Which isn't to say that the surprising lack of sourness doesn't come as a relief.]