TEST DRIVE MEME #8

[abraxasmods]

TEST DRIVE MEME

Welcome to the eighth test drive meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the three different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own under the Questions header below. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.

Our Setting pages are full of information on the world of Abraxas, and an overview of the story so far can be found on our Game History page! Anything on that page - including information about the Horizon and the Singularity - can be assumed to be told to newcomers after they arrive, no matter which faction they are received in. For more information on Ambrose and the apprentice mages, Marlo, and Rowan, please see our NPCs page.

You can also find answers to questions asked on previous TDMs in their respective questions threads.

NOTED CURRENT EVENTS
◎ Rumor has it that two emissaries - a werewolf and a vampire - visited from Nocwich in early July. With them came some wares distributed to shops throughout each faction. A few sparse items may remain for purchase, such as glowing flowers or fine ales, but much of it has now been sold.

◎ New arrivals in THE FREE CITIES may hear a bit of chatter around Cadens about art, politics, and recent performances involving its sister city, Libertas. It's all standard fare - the kind of topics spoken about over a beer or in line at the market - but there's a small stir in the air.

◎ Lately, locals in SOLVUNN have begun to approach the Summoned with a sort of awe and respect. New arrivals will find themselves treated much the same way and may be asked for advice or given gifts that seem like offerings such as wine, harvest bounties, or some delicious goat cheese. Your character is free to turn these down and should they turn down enough people, they will not be bothered further as no one wishes to offend them.

Arrival

You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.

You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.

There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. Through the opening you can see a bright room, but it's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.

Scenario One: Welcome to Thorne

A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground. Once you catch your breath, you can get a better look at the surroundings: tall trees and even taller stone pillars surround the platform you're laying on. Behind you is an ornate fountain, the base of which is so deep and so dark you might be compelled to scramble away from it lest it suck you back in to that endless abyss. Ahead of you are the walls of a large castle with several tall towers reaching up towards the sky.

If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either.

Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card bearing the image of one of the arcana.

An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at a mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. He peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.

"One moment," he says, not bothering to look up from the tome. He looks tired. "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. We’ll explain everything in a moment, but for now, please calm down. You’re completely fine."

Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the pages, until he stops on one specific passage, stares at it for a moment, and then sighs with relief:

"Finally!"

Ambrose's expression brightens, relief visible across his features. He waves one of the apprentices over with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals and with a wave of his hand they reshape to fit you perfectly.

"Oh, thank heavens," he says, closing the book and approaching you with a sort of worn-out relief. “I was beginning to believe we’d never get it exactly right.”

Now that he's not hunching over the book, he doesn't seem quite so stuffy and inapproachable. The apprentices all seem to visibly relax, and the one that handed you the tunic stops to take the tarot card down from the marble slab. If you show any curiosity about the card, they'll let you take a longer look, but won't let you touch it.

"Please, come with me," he says, motioning for you to follow him towards the castle. "As promised, my pupils will explain your current situation. And, ah - if you had any magic of your own, or other special abilities you can't access right now, fear not, they'll return within the week. The summoning takes a lot out of you."

One of the apprentices steps forward and rattles on and on about the castle, Thorne itself, the names of a bunch of royals and nobles, and of course, your reason for being here. The Kingdom and the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.

Once inside the castle you're taken to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (those who were previously brought in may have a great deal of information to tell you), or you can wander around and meet the others.

There's also a dining hall stocked with a rotating 24/7 buffet in celebration of the new honored guests. Somehow, your very favorite food is part of the rotation (or at least an attempted recreation of it given the limited technology available to the Thorneans). The town surrounding the castle is all abuzz as well, with most shops and services willing to give free samples of their wares to the new arrivals.

You may also notice that your sign is embroidered on your tunic: the same image you saw on the card from before with the name of the sign itself beneath it. If you ask the castle residents, they'll tell you a little bit about your sign (and will mostly stick to the positives, although some might point out the negatives).

Last (and, if you ask anyone else in the castle, least) there is a worn stone staircase leading underground to the dungeon. You can go there, if you wish, but all powers are restricted in the dungeons and most of the cells stand empty.

Scenario Two: Welcome to the Free Cities

You find yourself pulled from the water by a pair of strong hands. Dry warmth hits you at once as you're set on a warm hard floor. As your senses return you realize you're on dull ruddy stone and surrounded by strangers. Men and women in unfamiliar uniforms of brown and red leather stand in a semi-circle around a small pool of water. The very pool you were just pulled from. The water is still now, rimmed in pale gold tiles with odd symbols etched into them. Across it on the far side is a raised pedestal with a card propped on it. The card bears an arcana symbol.

You feel weak. Drained. Any abilities or magical powers you have seem far away and impossible to access. You're in what looks like a cave lit by dozens and dozens of torches set into the wall. There's no furniture or decoration to be seen besides the pool. It's almost uncomfortably warm and there's the sound of rushing wind somewhere in the distance. Flickering shadows obscure the faces of the guards. A robed woman stands off to the side, looking at you anxiously and then to the authoritative woman standing before you. She's grinning, dressed in a fancier uniform than the others. There's a sword at her hip. A guard covers you with a blanket and returns to their place in the semi-circle.

The woman with the sword gives a nod of approval and smiles warmly.

"Sorry about the circumstances."

She gives you a good hard look before standing again.

"Take a minute, catch your breath, you've had quite a shock. Take it nice and easy. I'm Prime Minister Marlo Reiner and you're in The Free Cities. That nice lady over there will explain everything to you and get you settled." A nod to the robed woman off to the side.

Marlo Reiner steps back and the robed mage approaches to help you up.

"Come with me, please." She brings you out of the cave through a corridor that angles upwards until you emerge in what looks like some kind of storage facility. Shelves of wooden boxes and cloth bags line them, unidentifiable parts of what might be machines are tucked into corners and propped against shelving units. "This is one of the Free Cities' outposts," the mage explains as she leads you. "We're honored to have you with us, I'm sure you have many questions but please save them. You need to recover!"

You'll learn you're in the Cadens Desert Outpost 003, a military outpost on the outskirts of Cadens city. You're brought to a room in the barracks that's been prepared. Each barracks room is rather sparse and utilitarian. Six simple beds set against the wall, three on each side of the room, each with a trunk at the foot of it. You're told the world is in a delicate and dangerous times and you're needed to help. You're important, you're told, and they're very grateful you're here.

You're asked to stay close for the time being, but to make yourself at home. The outpost is more a proper military base than the name implies, with full facilities. The barracks have a communal bathing room at the end of the hall, with curtains that can be pulled around the individual raised round tubs for privacy. There's a mess hall that has food available from sun up till a few hours after sundown. You're even encouraged to make use of the training grounds, if you'd like, with non-lethal training weapons available for use and obstacle courses set up. And the city of Cadens is only a couple of hours away by wagon - though you're asked initially to please be back at the outpost within a few hours of the sun going down.

For your own safety.

Scenario Three: Welcome to Solvunn

The feeling of floating is the first sense that comes to you as the edges of unconsciousness start to ebb. Sunlight filters through the rippling water as you open your eyes, making you squint. Before you have the chance to panic and inhale, firm hands grasp your arms and pull you to the surface of the water. Moments later, soft warmth is wrapped around your shoulders as you're guided on unsteady legs out of a pool of water. You're lowered to the soft grass. Men and women in simple garments with lavish embroidery stand by, waiting with bated breath, glancing seriously at an old man in an ornate robe. He holds an old leather-bound book in one hand and in the other is a card bearing an arcana symbol. His eyes move quickly over the page, and he mumbles idly to himself.

Any strength you may have possessed feels as though it has slipped through your fingers. Any abilities or magical powers you have don't come to the surface no matter how hard you try. You're in a grassy clearing in the midst of a circle of large stone slabs stacked to look like doorways. In the middle is the same glimmering pool you were just pulled from. A gentle breeze blows through, carrying the scent of flowers and herbs from an ornately decorated altar set off in front of one of the stone doorways. The mage closes his book and steps out of the water, addressing a matronly old woman. Behind her are two younger people, a rough-looking man, and a meek young girl, both of whom are also watching the mage.

“I detect no ill will from the gods, it seems we've been blessed with success.” Those that had gathered all breathe a sigh of relief and now seem pleased.

The old woman smiles and steps forward, offering to take your hands and help you stand. “Any gift the gods give us is one we will happily take. I'm certain you have many questions, and they will all be answered in time. For now, rest and know you will be taken care of.”

She pats the top of your hand and steps away with a serene smile, letting one of the others come forward with some clothes that seem to fit you perfectly. Once you're dressed, someone approaches to drape a delicate-looking charm depicting a long-horned creature with large wings on a thin chain over your neck. Ask around later, and you may find that it is a symbol of Vielehauffe, the God of the Herd.

The rough-looking man from before steps forward once you're decent and motions with his head outside of the stone circle. His speech is informal, his consonants harsh.

“Hold your horses, I can see all those questions coming about! Rowan March, at your service. I'm one of the council members of Solvunn. There's a lot to discuss, but it's best talked about over a hot meal.” He leads you to a horse-drawn carriage and helps you up into the back. He talks the entire ride to the settlement.

You find out you are in the Primary Settlement, the first of three that make up Solvunn's great territory. The settlement is situated between two lakes and is humming with life. You're brought to the center of town and escorted to an apartment above one of the establishments in town. Rowan explains that the living conditions are temporary if you'd like them to be, that local families would also be happy to host you in their home. That there are others like you who have also taken up residence within the three settlements. You're told that the world hangs upon the brink of disaster and that there are those in this world that are happy to see it fall to ruin with their meddling.

You're important. The gods have graced them with your presence. They're delighted you're here. Welcome to Solvunn.

Everything you need has been provided in this humble apartment, and if it hasn't, there are shops that line the streets and a marketplace in the center of town. Owners of some establishments or stalls are more than happy to give out samples or barter with your time for their goods. Babysitting can be a very lucrative business. You're told of the other settlements, that they'd like you to stay here for now, but if you can find a family to host you, the secondary and tertiary settlements are best to get to with an escort.

There are tales of travelers visiting the secondary settlement without invitation disappearing without a trace. The gods are as hungry as they are protective, young traveler.

You’ll find that there are more than enough activities to throw yourself into to better settle into your new life in Solvunn. Work is done in the first part of the day so that families can spend the rest of it together in leisure and work on their crafts - whatever those may be. For those children who are not of school age, they need nannies or storytellers, and there’s always a gaggle of them running about unsupervised. Families with livestock can always take a spare hand, especially since farms are so spread out, they have a tendency to wander. Whatever skills you may possess can always be of use to the community or to honor the gods.

If any of these options are no good for your lifestyle, the main roads between settlements can always use a bit of monster clean-up… just make sure you don’t go alone.

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Questions

How many slots are open?
Please check the Taken page for how many player, franchise, and canon slots are available. Activity check will be processed before applications open, so the count may change between now and then. Existing players can apply for a second character without restriction.

How do I choose a scenario for my character?
Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Which faction your character is drawn into has nothing to do with their personal morality, beliefs, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into any one of the situations.

Can I try out more than one scenario?
You can! But please keep in mind that only the one you eventually choose can be game canon, if you decide to keep any of your TDM threads.

What happens if my character refuses to comply with the NPCs?
They will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and the faction leaders will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, they will be warned once that everyone is willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight they will make good on that promise.

My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the cities, murdering the NPCs, etc.), what would happen to them?
Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other NPCs would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude and intervention from various NPC guards, and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Abraxans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.

I want to wildcard a prompt or use one of the prompts from an earlier TDM that isn't on this one (eg. the library), can I do that?
Yes, in terms of the settings. As Thorne is no longer imprisoning any newcomers, that option is no longer applicable.

Is the power loss for characters permanent?
No, but it does take a week or so for their powers to be back in full, and certain powers (determined on a case-by-case basis) may require nerfs. If your character has world-breaking powers, please discuss with the mods what modifications may be necessary.

Can my character leave the bounds of the faction?
In Thorne, characters can leave the castle but not the city. In Cadens, they can take a trip from the outpost to the city. In Solvunn, they can explore the entirety of the Primary Settlement.

Can my character eventually change factions?
Yes. While the faction borders are currently closed, there will opportunities in the future for characters to relocate. For the time being, they are stuck where they are.

How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?
This choice will determine where your character initially lives as well as the bias of the information they receive from NPCs (although other PCs can and most likely will give it to them a bit more straight). This decision - and every other major decision you make in game! - will also be used to flavor some mod surprises that will be coming down the line.

Don't get too anxious about this choice, though; this is just one choice you'll get to make in a game that has a lot of them, and every character in every scenario can work their way towards many, many individual goals and outcomes. You're not locking yourself out of anything in the future via the choice you made on the TDM. It will primarily impact the immediate future with the far-reaching effects being up to each player.

Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?
No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the three scenarios on your application.

What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?
You can ignore sign-related prompts if you're undecided (or try out different signs in different threads).

Can my character go to the Horizon?
First time visitors to the Horizon must be taken there by other characters, through either shared meditation or a physical journey to the Singularity, and all first-timers experience memory loss. For the purposes of the TDM, we suggest against using the Horizon.

What about making use of the network?
Much like Horizon they would need to be introduced to it by another PC, as no NPCs would be aware of the network or be able to access it. Because of this we would advise against using this mechanic for TDM top-levels.

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Comments

[shadowthief]

"I know most of the shopkeeps around here, I can get you a decent pair for a decent price," she assures him. "Just the three of us. I got here first, Jesper was only a couple of months behind me. You, however, are incredibly late. Far beyond any good dramatic entrance, it's just simply late now." She tsks at him, a disingenuous scolding.

She shrugs one shoulder at the question. "Soon, why?" she lets one corner of her mouth lift in a smirk. "Going to walk me home, Brekker?" It's doubly comical because he has no idea she actually lives in the inn, just upstairs, in a double room with Jesper. Hmm. How will that go over, she wonders? It makes that smirk slip up just a little more.

She doesn't let her gaze drop to their fingers, as much as she wants to. The less attention drawn to it, the better, she thinks, so instead she just hooks her pinky around his like some silly schoolyard promise.

"It's a lot," but she won't bother asking if he wants a halfway decent night's sleep before he gets it all. She knows him better than that. She doesn't hold anything back, from the war-ravaged countries to the magic in the place that they are all gifted with, the Singularity and the Horizon, the tiring politics between Thorne and Cadens especially. "...war is definitely coming, but it's hard to say if it's going to be soon or just an eventuality. The factions had a sham of a Peace Summit a few months back– it's when I moved from Solvunn to here, to be with Jesper. Better together than separated."

[bealufull]

Just the three of us. It feels painful in a way. A reminder of their loss. Wondering if that had brought an acute loss for Jesper. But it was the three of them. That mattered in ways Kaz might never talk about, but they had been his long before anyone else had become close to them, and now even in this odd slip in time or whatever it was, they were there now.

"I don't know. It does make people talk," he notes, not used to being the one to make the grand entrance as it feels he is. Just as the curl of her finger against his feels like something so much greater than most might think it is, but for him, in public, it is huge.

Not that he's so much as looking at their fingers, or looking away from her face.

He snorts though at that, giving her a hard look that is more amused than most might think. "As if you need an escort to get anywhere safely. It was more not risking your job. I can't imagine what I would do to a tender at the Crow Club that took too much time away from their work."

Yet he's quickly caught up in the story she tells. About their arrival, about what has been happening in the city, the factions. Especially about this Singularity and the Horizon... and the magic that comes with it.

"Much better together," he says with a nod, as if that is all there is to take away from it all. "They really have a way of giving people abilities like the Grisha possess? Just be existing in this dream like land?"

[shadowthief]

There is something rather right about the three of them in a place together. It was just that for so long, but she still misses Nina and Wylan, still sends prayers to Sankt Demyan for Matthias at night. The six of them had become a family. The three of them here could still be.

"Was that a laugh?" she muses, tilting her head a little to the side, almost like she's studying him. She'd actually really like to earn a real one from him one day. "Mag isn't you," she points out. "Most people aren't. And this is regular inn, Kaz." Not something backed by gangs. She isn't worried about getting in trouble, half the people in here would be just as likely to serve themselves because they also work or live here anyway.

As she talks, she slips up onto the edge of the bar, swinging her legs over to the other side of it, sliding her hand surreptitiously back toward his as she leans back on her arms. There if he wants it. Or not if he doesn't. No pressure, because she wouldn't want it, herself.

There's something so... grounding in hearing that from him. The small sort of admission he wouldn't let slip to anyone else– she was always the one that goes those confessions, though, wasn't she? "It's The Singularity... you'll have to go into the Horizon. The first time is... very disorienting. You'll hate it, but...after, it is...like a dream. A dream that you can control, in any way you want. If you want the sky to be purple, it is. It's- amazing." Not that she spends a lot of time in hers, but it's nice to go to on occasion. "It's vulnerable to go into it, though... it's a mental space that feels like reality, but your true body is still out here," she gestures with her free hand at the space around them. "you're essentially unconscious the entire time you're inside of it." Which is, for many, many reasons, part of the reason she doesn't go to the Horizon as much as some people tend to.

"But the magic... once you start gaining those abilities... you can use them any time. Much more limited than the Small Science of the Grisha, but useful all the same. And you can build on the spells that you learn. Make them stronger with practice." It's all very awe-inspiring to her, like being granted something from a Higher Power.

[bealufull]

"That was a sound only you are ever likely to hear," he allows, a memory that he is more open around her than he's used to being, but not wanting to take that away either. He has to make the choice to change if it's worth it for her. For them. Isn't this the place for it, is only that he has no reputation as Dirtyhands to uphold. Yet that didn't mean he was truly ready to let go of who he is. Just to maybe open those doors a bit. For some.

"A regular inn," he says with an entirely different snort like sound than he'd given before. "Is there such a thing?" Though now he's curious about this Mag who isn't him and who has employed his Wraith without utilizing her greatest traits. At least not on the surface, and certainly not if she's running a "regular" inn.

He watches her move, leaning back slightly as she does. It feels suddenly like too much, leaving an uncertainty he's not sure about. Yet when she slides her hand into place, her words come back to him. How much is he willing to give?

This time his fingers come to rest against hers, curling around her index finger and holding onto that connection as they talk.

"Oh there's so much I already hate about this place," he says, tones flat because it will be a while before he gets over that pool and how somehow they come to naked and in water. "But it's working to redeem itself. As for the dangers, with having others here we can certainly explore with the others to watch from outside, as well as establishing a place at some point where we can ensure our safety as best we can."

Nothing is ever perfect, but they have made "safe" places before. They could do it again.

They way she talks of this Small Science -- it has to be the same in some ways, after all -- if she talks about it that way, then he has to assume she's experienced herself.

"What sort of gift have you gained from this place?"

[shadowthief]

She smiles at that declaration, small, amused, just barely not laughing. It's good to feel like some things will be the same as they always have been. Not everything with Kaz was always terrible.

"She good to us," she says, leveling him with a look. One that says 'Leave Mag alone' or 'Don't get any ideas', he can figure it out. "and this isn't The Barrel." Something that did take a while to get used to. But there are genuine people here, unlike the many masks worn by people in Ketterdam, literal and not.

The actions are so small and simple from the outside perspective, no one could fathom the leaps and bounds this really was for the both of them. The warmth from his fingers is a comfort that eases tension she didn't know she was holding in her shoulders.

"I know," she nods, "I hated the arrival, too," her voice soft. All those people. All those sets of eyes on her. It had felt like being in The Menagerie again. "And who are you trusting to watch your bad while you're unconscious, so soon, then?" She can't help the teasing lilt of her words.

She smiles at the question and holds two fingers up on her free hand. "Two things," she explains. "One spell is called Silence, ten minutes, 6 meters, no sound around me. Absolutely none at all." As if she needed the help in sneaking up on people. "The other one is newer, I haven't really...used it? But I've sort of studied it? It's a blade made of shadows, but it works- it will absolutely cut someone." She shrugs a little, "Magic, don't ask me." She's still getting used to it all, too.

[bealufull]

Ever since he was dragged into this place, he's been seeking to find his balance here. Not even in the literal sense, having too many days walking. But also in the sense of finding his place and his plan. He spent nearly a decade with one plan in his life, knowing what he was heading for, but he has to find that here.

But in sitting here and looking up at Inej, he has found one thing. Balance. She offers him that, a weight to keep him focused and not tipping over to one side and going too far.

He holds up his free hand at that warning, definitely hearing it for what it is. "I will accept she is a good person." Because Inej says she is. "But all the world is the Barrel in one way or another. You said after all this place is headed for war. Which means we need to establish our place in this before that happens."

As if they haven't already, and that is something else he needs to learn to accept.

One brow arches, shrugging his shoulders slightly. Yet his fingers squeeze hers even as he speaks. "The same person who I have always trusted to watch my back." The only one he ever has.

Then she does get a sound that very much might be a laugh. "You are working on magic to make yourself more silent? Is that like a void of sound?" A compliment as well with the sound. Though he sobers at the next.

"Cut in what way? Like a fine blade or a dull sword?" He knows which. It's her and her skill, her focus. He knows.

[shadowthief]

She shrugs and tilts her head slightly to one side. He's right, she had mentioned the prospect of war, but... she's really come to like it here in Cadens, and it was different than The Barrel. He'd see, in time, she thinks. "Don't make such sweeping generalizations, Kaz... it's not a good look."

"You need to meet Sam," she decides with a slight nod. "He's a good guy." her eyes cast upward for a second, a smirk sliding across her face again. "You'd probably peg him as a pigeon, but he's not. He helped me when I was...lost," it's really the only word she has for it; it still stings her sometimes, thinking about everything she's left behind, but... at least she's been able to pull herself back together in these last few months slowly.

She lets out a soft huff of a noise and rolls her eyes, looking at nothing in particular across the room. Sometimes, only sometimes, he's really good at saying just the right thing to genuinely fluster her. But still, she squeezes his fingers in response in return. She would always watch his back.

"Maybe I can even sneak up on you again," she grins. He's always known when she's there, ever since that first time he caught her. She doesn't hate it, really, it contrasts well with Jesper's genuine surprise every time she appears the way she has a habit of doing.

The look she gives him is flat, with a tone to match. "Depends on the wielder, I suppose. Plus," she points out, "I told you, I haven't used that one much. Haven't really needed to. Maybe I should practice it, though..."

[bealufull]

"Are you going to waggle a finger at me as well?"

He can't help but to challenge her in that but he will take her words to heart. Perhaps this world is not the Barrel, but he does see mankind in a certain way and it will take a lot to change that opinion. It was born in death and grief and fed each and every day he fought for his life. It would take even more than how much things had changed because of the woman before him. Because of Jesper and Wylan, Nina and Matthias.

But he hasn't come that far.

He suspects he is definitely a pigeon and he would likely be eaten alive in their world. At least in Kaz's mind. He's known only a few he would call good men, and they would have been eaten alive as well. He thinks of Colm Fahey in that moment when she speaks of Sam. But that isn't the important part, his gaze narrowing as he leans in closer to her.

"What do you mean? Lost how?"

But she tries to move on, and he isn't letting it go but he gives her a look at that. "Do you think you can manage that? Have you ever?" It's a cruel taunt and again there's the soft rub of his thumb over her finger at his words.

That gets a nod though.

"You should. If you're going to have the skill, you should work to perfect it as you have so much else."

[shadowthief]

"If I need to," she quips back.

At the question of what she really meant when she said 'lost', she can't stop the way her gaze drops. It's a dull ache she's found easier and easier to ignore the longer she's here, the more of a life she builds here, but it's still there. More obvious now with the attention called to it so persistently.

"Because I'd just had everything I'd spent the last three years working for ripped away from me, I was ripped away from my parents again, I couldn't hunt slavers, I couldn't be The Wraith, and I don't know just be a girl anymore." She leans in a little, not too far into his personal space, but enough to emphasize the point. "What else was I supposed to feel besides lost, Kaz?"

[bealufull]

"I promise to feel properly chastised if and when you do." It's easy to say with sarcasm that contains almost the sound of eyes rolling but if she truly did do it, how would he feel? Would he be chastised? It's almost weird to think about.

But he hadn't been expecting the honesty of her words. He arrived here with them already out on their adventures without him, preparing to settle in for his life changed and better and yet hoping they hold to their words to come back. She had everything she wanted and then she was here.

"I hadn't thought of it in those terms. Though..." His gaze drops then, carefully considering his words. The likelihood is he may well say the wrong ones, the ones to upset her further. He hadn't been ready to give her all she had demanded of him, and he knew that his attempts might not be enough. "I can't say that I don't understand the feeling. If you believe I'm capable of feeling anything, of course."

It's a bad joke, one built on a reputation of being a demon, of being heartless, of things that she, of all people, knew better than.

"But I do understand the sensation of losing those things you've wanted and fought hard for." He had the money, the empire, but all else was in a nebulous place. Much like his attempts at emotions and growth. Admitting more than that, putting it into words, he's not capable of that but finding himself in this strange new world, he puts it into the words he has, the ability he has to share.

[shadowthief]

She lets that part of the conversation lie– all the mirth has been temporarily sucked out of her for the turn in conversation to the more serious.

"Of course not," she mutters bitterly, "Why would you?" She doesn't mean it quite as accusatory as it might seem– but she's used to Kaz not thinking of things through an emotional lens, logic is more distant and cold and specific and so much easier for him to hold.

Her eyes cut back up to him at that little comment. "I'm perfectly aware you have them, but I rarely know what any of them are." He was very good at keeping so much so close to the vest, hidden away even from those closest and most important to him.

She considers it for a moment and tips her head a little to one side. "What do you remember? Back home. Were you not on the docks, handing me my freedom and my parents?" After, maybe, some nebulous point beyond that moment. "It can be...different, sometimes. People...remember things differently."

[bealufull]

It's not surprising how quickly things have turned serious. Even as much as they have grown between them in those moments before finding themselves here, there's been so much more. Especially for Inej who has been in this place after losing all she had gained.

The problem is she hits the nail on the head without knowing it. While she doesn't know what any of his emotions are, he isn't always sure either. Especially not in how to express them without feeling weak and anxiety of having the past repeat itself.

"Just after that. Days perhaps," he says softly, staring at her intently. "You have your freedom and your ship and your parents. All you deserved. Now you have your mission. I understand that. I can't imagine what it would be like losing that. I hadn't thought about that before now."

He hadn't thought about this as a loss. First as a new game to play, something new to conquer. Then because of her and Jesper. This had given him something back, but it had taken so much from them both.

"I'm sorry."

[shadowthief]

She nods a little as he confirms he’s from the same point she remembers. She’s not sure how she would handle it if they had a wide discrepancy between them.

He hadn't. And it doesn't surprise her in the least. But he is now. Thinking about it. Turning the whole thing over in his mind. She can see it in the lines of his face, the tiniest crease in his forehead as he processes it.

But it’s those words at the end that throw her for a loop. It plays across her face plain as day, shock and confusion mixing together in the knit of her brow, the slightly agape set of her mouth. “What…?” She heard him wrong, surely. Even as she knows she didn’t. But it’s the only word her mouth can seem to form at this moment.

She shakes her head, regaining her composure. “You know how I feel about those words.” But they meant more, coming from him. Kaz wasn’t the sort to go throwing I’m sorry‘s at just anyone for any reason.

[bealufull]

Kaz could not remember the last time he had said those words. He didn't apologize for his actions, but he would apologize for asking why she had felt lost in this place. If not for the ship and her plans but for her parents.

Family lost, again, he could understand. It was a pain he well knew.

"I'm here. It's the best I can do," he says, as if it had been his choice. "And I will find a way to get you back to your family, no matter what we make of our world here." And he will not echo this mistake because he will try harder to think about how she sees things, how she feels, and even if he can't understand the sensation he will try and understand why she feels that way.

[shadowthief]

She presses her lips into a faint smile. She believes him. Or… at least, she believes his conviction. She’s been in this world too long by now— Saints, she’s more than halfway toward an entire year here— to truly think they had any choice in the matter of going home.

Still.
The sentiment is nice, and she knows he means it, with every ounce and fiber of his being. That matters more than the result in this moment.

She squeezes his fingers in her own, a simple, silent reassurance. An acceptance of his promise, both spoken and not.

“Where are you staying? Or have you even gotten that far yet?”

[bealufull]

Kaz Brekker did not believe there was anything he could not make happen. Determination and hard work, intelligence and perseverance. Those things make things happen and he is good at making things happen the way he wants them to.

So there is no acceptance he won't be able to do that for her. He had fought to find her family and she deserved to have time with them. He would find a way.

Until then though, they're in this place and apparently with Jesper and they'll make the world theirs. He believes that as well.

"The barracks," he admits with a curl of his lip. "It's only been a few days and this is my first time getting out of the outpost. What about you and Jesper? Where are you staying?"

[shadowthief]

She hums a soft noise and nods. Kaz in the ‘Privacy? What privacy?’ military barracks, that’s unfortunate for anyone involved. “No more of that,” she assures him. He won’t need to be back there ever again if he’d rather.

“Here,” she gestures with one hand. “Jesper and I have a room upstairs.” A room. Singular. Most of the time, she’s very upfront with him; sometimes, she said things just so, just to watch his reaction. This… was certainly one of those times.

[bealufull]

"Those are perhaps the best words I've ever heard." He's been sharing a room with six people. He has had to share a bath. In other words known as please be aware that the sort of military suit he is wearing right that minute is also what he's been sleeping in. For the value of what little sleep he's gotten for days.

But then she makes that admission and he goes stone still. Only his fingers tighten against hers. Then he makes himself loosen that hold. Not moving his fingers away but realizing that he had made an assumption. One based on where things had been for them the last moment he saw her.

Not her nearly a year later. Without him. And with...

"You and Jesper."

He repeats it like that as if trying to make it make sense to him. Its not though. Nor is he sure what to make of the emotions that are swirling within him. Jealousy. A flash of anger. Emotions he's carefully tucked away when he's dealt with them before, reminding himself they're not for now. Is this now? He's not sure.

"Well."

She has spent years trying to sneak up on him and surprise him and she finally does it. With words.

[shadowthief]

“Well.” She echoes, like she’s pressing him to say something else. Anything else at all.

But he seems nearly frozen in his indecision of how, precisely, to proceed. How much to read into those words she’d handed him.

She lets a wild grin slip over her lips. “Kaz. It’s a double,” She says it through the beginnings of a laugh, shaking her head.

[bealufull]

Still glowering without meaning to, not liking how this sounds, and not sure what all truly bothers him. Not as if he had truly taken his chance to be with Inej when he'd had it, and not like Jesper wouldn't be good to her.

But what is this? They run off to some odd world and now they're living together?

Then she grins, revealing the truth and the glower turns into what might nearly pass for a pout but really is just more glower.

"You could have started there," he points out, not at all amused at being at the butt end of her jokes and hating that sensation as well. "It isn't an entirely far fetched thought. For him. You though..." It's not that she deserves better, it isn't how he thought of it, just that she was... her.

[shadowthief]

“But then I couldn’t have seen that look on your face.” She says, still grinning. She didn’t mean anything truly mean-spirited by it, but it wasn’t easy pulling one over on Kaz like that, how could she pass up such a perfect opportunity?

She tips her head to one side. “And what about me? Am I spoken for?” It’s equal parts a tease and a challenge both— and Saints, now that she’s said it, she wonders if it was a step too far. Suddenly, she isn’t sure she wants a real answer.

[bealufull]

"My life's goal is complete then," he says, tones dry and flat and utterly teasing. "I have made you laugh. I thought I would live my whole life with never making that happen."

Except he knows it's not cruel and he knows it's how things will be. Here more than before. He'd been the leader but they were equals. Now though they are truly all on equal footing, if not that he is a bit behind.

That question though makes his mouth go dry and she perhaps gets the most surprised look ever from him. "I..."

There aren't words after. What did he say? No is a lie, but then he hasn't even so much as attempted tried to make a claim to her time in traditional standards of romance. No one in the world is going to think him holding her hand, bare handed and in public, is any kind of a sign of romance and feelings.

Yes means he actually has to find a way to live his emotions and not just bottle them up and then what might he take from her if she learns he is stunted emotionally and incapable of giving her what she wants and needs?

"I don't think that is my decision to make alone," he says, sincere though he fears she'll hear something else in his words.

[shadowthief]

She scoffs a little at that, eyes rolling as she does. “Your life’s goal was taking down Pekka Rollins. And you’ve already done that. Is making me laugh really the next best thing?” It’s silly, really. Someone as long-sighted as Kaz had to have plenty of other far more important things in his lineup than…that.

“It’s okay,” she says quickly into the silence after his false start. “You don’t have to answer that.” Giving him an out felt… necessary, for his sake as well as her own. Dignity in tact, their standing among each other perfect preserved on its perch.

But… he does anyway. He gives her an answer, a real one. The kind she hadn’t expected. The kind that goes and gets stuck between her ribs and steals her breath. Makes her whole body go far too still with the weight of it.

Her lips roll together in her hesitation, unsure of the right response to such an honest answer to such a facetious question. But it had been real, too, hadn’t it? Some brazen part of her had wanted to know if he thought himself her keeper, thought her… as owed to him. Less because Kaz has ever treated their very specific situation as anything like owner and slave and more… ingrained habit learned to assume the worst in everyone. A lesson The Barrel taught all of its children very quickly, and very thoroughly.

“Thank you…” doesn’t feel quite like the right thing to say, but she’s unsure what else could go in its place, too. It’s small. Not even a kruge’s worth of a shift. But it is still a sense of growth, a level of understanding he couldn’t have had not that long ago.

Whatever any of this means— and she does not delude herself into thinking a single conversation could define it— it is theirs to figure out together. And it means more than she knows how to put in words.

[bealufull]

"You said it yourself. Was. I had to have a new one. Now completely, guess I'm starting over again." It's entirely deadpan, and to most there would be little there to show it was humor, but to him it's positively joking time. For a moment. For that moment because it made things easier to face what he's said and how she reacts to it.

And it's also not untrue. Already he's considering what he's going to do here and what his plans are for this place and every moment of this talk makes him both more settled and uncertain about what he'll be doing.

"I worked to give you your freedom so you could have what you wanted. Not to make you mine." That much was easy to say. The rest, that if she chose to be, that would be something else.

[shadowthief]

Everything else dissolves as the conversation comes down to that needle point fact: That none of it was ever about him trying to win her. And she knew this, on some level, but… the lessons she learned at The Menagerie were burned deep into her bones, not easy things to shake. It was all too easy to assume the worst of the boy who had come back for her with the reputation of demon and monster attached so thoroughly to his name.

But Kaz had never raised her debt or played against his own rules just to cause her to fail. He was awful in his own rights, but he was never for even one second the kind of awful that Tante Heleen had been. He’d let her go— got her a ship and a crew so she could go.

Something sticks in her throat and she has to swallow around it before she can speak again. “You are many things, Kaz Brekker, but the most noble thing is you are true to your word.” Even when it has the potential to hurt him. He had been prepared to let her go. Trusting and doubting in equal measure whether she would actually return all the while.