TEST DRIVE MEME #11

[abraxasmods]

Test Drive Meme

Welcome to the Test Drive Meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the three different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own under the Questions header below. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.

Below are some links to information you may find useful. Our Setting pages have information about the world itself as well as current events for each nation, while our Game History page outlines the game's story so far.

Setting | Game History | NPCs | Arcana
You can also find answers to questions asked on previous TDMs in their respective questions threads.

Reminder that the TDM is forward-dated to when the summonings occur in-game, at the start of April. For current players, this means all of the Summoned will have been rescued and recently returned home to their respective factions.

For prospective players, there's no need to familiarize yourself with the recent event, but prompts in the TDM may reflect the aftermath.

Summoning

You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.

You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.

There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. It's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.

A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground - still unclothed.

Arrival

You'll find yourself summoned to one of the following three major nations: the extravagant and magical Kingdom of Thorne, the bustling and advanced Free Cities, or the tightknit and faith-driven rural community of the Solvunn Commune.

If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either. After a week or so, your abilities will return.

When you gather your bearings at last, you look up into a series of unfamiliar faces...and equally unfamiliar surroundings.

Welcome to Thorne

Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card bearing the image of one of the Arcana. An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at another mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. The man peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.

"One moment," he says, not bothering to look up from the tome. He looks tired. "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. We’ll explain everything in a moment, but for now, please calm down. You’re completely fine."

Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the pages, until he stops on one specific passage, stares at it for a moment, and then nods, satisfied. "Excellent." He motions for one of the young apprentice mages over. "Settle our guest in, please. I don't have all day."

The apprentice hurries forward with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals. With a wave of their hand, the clothes reshape to fit you perfectly. Once you're dressed, the apprentice leads you into the hallways of Castle Thorne, prattling on about the kingdom, names of royals and nobles, and, of course, the reason why you're here: the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.

◎ Surroundings

Castle Thorne is where not only royals and members of the court reside, but includes the surrounding city itself. Now in spring, the weather mild and cool. In the distance, you can see snow-covered mountain peaks that are beginning to melt, and the gardens are in bloom. The castle is enchanted to be at a comfortable temperature.

As you walk or look around, you take in some of what's going on around you:

• The North Wing, devoted to housing the Summoned, is tightly guarded against outsiders. As one of the Summoned, you're free to come and go. The guards aren't keeping anyone prisoner. They're there to protect you, and they take their jobs seriously.


• Apprentices, kitchen staff, guards - everyone seems to be bustling and busy. The air is tense, and you hear chatter of abductions and mutated victims who were only just recovered a week ago.


• The infirmary is full. Healers are in high demand. Normally, Thorne's staff put effort into welcoming new arrivals. This time, they're focused on what seems to be an influx of the wounded - including other Summoned who arrived before you.


• Despite the troubles, life in the Castle is beginning to resume. Still, you can sense that a major crisis has only just been resolved, and much of the fallout remains.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the land, Castle Thorne and its surrounding city have much for you to indulge in.

Care Packages
Castle staff are putting together care packages consisting of flowers, hot meals, and draughts to manage pain. Gather flowers from one of Thorne's many beautiful gardens. The gardeners will direct you if you ask, though you're welcome to gather anything that catches your eye. There's no magic in the flowers beyond their ability to brighten up someone's day.

You can put together the bouquets and care packages with a partner, as well as deliver them yourself to one of the older resting Summoned. They might be in the infirmary or in their rooms depending on their injuries. Why not stay and chat? Though you've only just met, they've evidently been through something terrible. Perhaps they could use a friend.

Magic Lessons
Regular magic lessons are held by apprentice mages as part of their training, usually involving learning to cast a small spell. These classes are for the natives of Thorne, but you're welcome to join if you wish. The spell they will be teaching is conjuring a modest defensive light shield that can protect against a single magical blow. The spell relies on Academic Magic which involves a few words said correctly. You'll likely need a few lessons to grasp it unless you're well-versed in magic already. In the meantime, the class of fresh-faced students means there's a constant bright explosion of light coming from the practice room as the spells fail. It isn't dangerous, but it can be annoying.

Forest Growth
Patches of woods in the city of Castle Thorne have suffered from dead flora. It appears to be related to some heavy magical corruption from the past several weeks. Though Thorne's deemed it too dangerous to go directly into the woods, you can help plant new saplings in square crates filled with soil and pack them onto wagons. Make sure they're secured and kept upright. These trees will be taken out into the woods later by mages to replace the withered plantlife in the forests.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Castle Thorne, the portal is a short walk around the back of the castle. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready to rest, you're shown to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (those who were previously brought in may have a great deal of information to tell you).

Although you can leave the castle, you can't leave its surrounding city with the exception of entering Nott via portal in order to assist with rebuilding or visiting Nocwich. Borders are especially well-guarded right now due to the recent attacks. Besides, Castle Thorne gives you everything you need: fine clothes, great food and wine, massive libraries, and all the magic and knowledge you could want. Isn't that plenty? You won't be given money as you're provided for, so if you want to do some personal spending later, you'll have to find a job in the city on your own.

Welcome to the Free Cities

Dry warmth hits you at once as you're set on a hard floor of dull ruddy stone. Men and women in unfamiliar uniforms of brown and red leather stand in a semi-circle around a small pool of water - the very pool you were just pulled from. The water is still now, rimmed in pale gold tiles with odd symbols etched into them. Across it is a raised pedestal with a card bearing an Arcana symbol.

A guard covers you with a simple robe and returns to their place in the semi-circle. Before you stands another woman, dressed in a more elaborate and decorated uniform than the others. A sword rests at her hip. She carries an air of authority as she approaches you with a nod and a warm smile. "Sorry about the circumstances. Take a minute, catch your breath. I'm Prime Minister Marlo Reiner and you're in The Free Cities. That nice lady over there will explain everything to you and get you settled."

A robed mage off to the side approaches to help you up. She brings you out of the cave through a corridor that angles upwards until you emerge in what looks like some kind of storage facility. You'll learn you're in the Cadens Desert Outpost 003, a military base on the outskirts of the major city of Cadens. You're told the world is in delicate and dangerous times, and you're needed to help. You're important and they're very grateful you're here.

◎ Surroundings

While you're currently at the outpost just outside of the city proper, Cadens on the whole is a large bustling city. Temperatures are rising, and the climate is hot and dry, though still pleasant - during the day, at least. At night, they'll cool rapidly. Desert blooms dot the landscape for the spring. Look to the west and you'll see a long stretch of desert wasteland. This is the infamous Badlands. The soldiers don't recommend going out there unprepared - you're likely to face a slow death to the elements or be eaten. Reaching Cadens is possible by wagon, a trip of about 2 hours each way. You're asked to return by sundown for your own safety... but no one will chase after you if you don't.

You'll be given a military style uniform with your Arcana stitched on it where a formal rank would normally be. As you walk or look around, you take in some of what's going on around you:

• Libertas shows signs of having suffered a devastating attack, but a good portion of it is rebuilt including a new garden park memorial that commemorates the lives lost. Chatter has shifted from the fire attacks to the abductions and failed experiments recovered only a week ago.


• From Cadens to Aquila to Libertas, the streets are heavily guarded. Soldiers patrol all areas, especially those typically occupied by the Summoned. This includes a particular inn and tavern in the heart of Cadens - The Sarstina - where the Summoned like you are often found...though it may not be as busy and thriving as it normally is.


• Instead, many of the older Summoned are either resting in their homes or recovering in Cadens' largest hospital. Doctors are busy, and the hospital is heavily guarded, too.


• Despite the troubles, life around the Free Cities is beginning to resume. Still, you can sense that a major crisis has only just been resolved, and much of the fallout remains.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the land, the barracks and Cadens have much for you to indulge in.

Training Grounds
Non-lethal training weapons and obstacle courses are set up for anyone to use. The soldiers will be watching, and if you catch their attention they might approach you and encourage you to enlist. You're free to invite other new arrivals to spar, but be sure to keep things friendly and avoid trouble. Discipline is key in the barracks. If you're especially competitive, the soldiers will sometimes hold impromptu obstacle races with informal wagers made. They'll be happy to race against even the most unlikely of opponents, and you'll be judged more on your spirit rather than your skill. If you really impress them, they'll even buy you a drink.

Supply Delivery
The Summoned are important to the Free Cities. The government means to take care of them through their recovery, and have instructed the military to assist. Soldiers are packing rations, medicine, and other supplies into crates to be delivered to the hospital in Cadens. You can help pack or make the deliveries yourself by hopping on the wagon. Though you aren't supposed to wander around the hospital, as one of the Summoned you have a bit more freedom than the average citizen. Maybe you could visit one of the rooms while you're there? Or you might run into a Summoned in the halls arriving to check on a friend.

Furry Friends
Researchers in Cadens have been studying the positive effects of animal companions on those who recently went through traumatic experiences. They've settled on the catlike Leosylph, a popular domestic breed, as the best choice. You can help bring these animals to anyone who would like one in the hospitals, or you can simply play with them and make sure they're fed while they're awaiting their assignments. They enjoy chasing mechanical mice powered by New Magic and purr when happy.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Cadens, the portal is a short walk away from the center of the city. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready to turn in, the barracks are waiting for you. They have a communal bathing room at the end of the hall, with curtains that can be pulled around the individual raised round tubs for privacy. Each barracks room is rather sparse. Six simple beds set against the wall, three on each side of the room, each with a trunk at the foot of it. You can greet your roommates here, most of whom will be new arrivals, as well.

If you plan on making use of your assigned quarters, you'll have your basic needs met: uniforms, a roof, bland food from the mess hall, and access to the training grounds. You won't be paid unless you formally enlist with the army. The longer you take advantage of the barracks, the greater the pressure to enlist. Some soldiers will start to see you as a freeloader if you refuse to join them yet continue to use their resources. If you're set on not enlisting, you can always strike out on your own in Cadens - but you won't be provided for and handouts are rare. You'll have to work to earn every copper and loaf of bread. Whether that's honest work is up to you.

Welcome to Solvunn

You're in a grassy clearing in the midst of a circle of large stone slabs stacked to look like doorways. In the middle is the same glimmering pool you were just pulled from. An elderly mage stands before an ornate altar. He holds an old leather-bound book in one hand and in the other is a card bearing an arcana symbol. "I detect no ill will from the gods," he says. "It seems we've been blessed with success."

Those that had gathered all breathe a sigh of relief and now seem pleased. One offers you some clothes of leather and knitted wool that seem to fit you perfectly. A rough-looking man steps forward once you're dressed and motions with his head outside of the stone circle. His speech is informal, his consonants harsh.

"Hold your horses, I can see all those questions coming about! Rowan March, at your service. I'm one of the council members of Solvunn. There's a lot to discuss, but it's best talked about over a hot meal." He leads you to a horse-drawn carriage and helps you up into the back. He talks the entire ride to the center of the Primary Settlement. You're told that the world hangs upon the brink of disaster and that there are those in this world that are happy to see it fall to ruin with their meddling.

You're important. The gods have graced them with your presence. They're delighted you're here.

◎ Surroundings

The Primary Settlement is full of greenery, blessed with the fresh ocean breeze. Winds are pleasantly cool with the occasional heavy spring rains that soak the farmlands. The scent of wildflowers fills the air. The shops, farms, and homes around you are all modest and unassuming. You get the sense that the people here prefer to blend in with their neighbors than stand out.

As you walk or look around, you'll be greeted warmly, even eagerly...though there's an edge of awestruck nervousness to some. Though the settlement is often quiet and calm, there's still plenty to take in:

• Shops and stalls in Solvunn are temporarily closed. Many of Solvunn's residents have instead dedicated their time to helping the rescued Summoned. They're reluctant to speak of the recent abductions, stating that what happened was blasphemous to the Old Gods.


• Solvunn Elders will accompany anyone who strays too far from the Settlements, and will give you protective charms to make sure you're safe. You're advised to stay close to the commune where possible.


• Shrines around the settlements are overflowing with offerings. It seems something has happened recently that's made the locals especially dedicated to showing their devotion.


• You're free to venture towards the ocean if you like, though heed the warnings of leviathans. These beasts do not stir near the shores, but if you look closely in the far distance - at night in particular - you'll see the water's surface bubble and roil beneath the moonlight.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the commune, the commune and its settlements have much for you to indulge in.

Warding Homes
In order to aid recovery, commune Elders have asked for your help to ward the doors of homes occupied by the Summoned. Many of these homes are in housing provided by the Council or with host families in the settlement. You can hang bone wreathes on the doors to request blessings of protection and healing from the Old Gods. You can also bring hot meals and herbal medicine to the Summoned while you're there. Host families are friendly, and will welcome you in as long as the Summoned inside are willing to receive you, as well.

Shrine Offerings
As a new arrival, you'll be encouraged to perform your first offering. This can be anything that feels right to you: fruit, wine, flowers, even an animal you've hunted. Whatever you choose, it must be retrieved by your own hand meaning you must pick the fruit, cut the flowers, or pour the wine yourself. You can travel to the shrine by yourself or with a companion. Once there, lay your offering and ask for a blessing through Solvunn's tradition of High Magic. Blessings are often made for the commune overall such as abundant crops or good weather. You will not see the effects right away, but you may find over the next day or so that the sun has cut through the rain. Of course, you're free to dismiss this as the nature of how weather works...but don't be too loud about it. Solvunn takes its beliefs very seriously.

Goat Herding
Due to the circumstances, Solvunn's traditional chaotic goat races will not be happening this month. This means the goats are filled with pent-up energy. Ornery and mischievous, they'll headbutt anything that moves, chew fence posts and clothes, and generally make a nuisance of themselves - some even escaping their pens. Exasperated farmers and herders are struggling. You can help retrieve escaped goats, repair broken fences, and do your best to contain the animals.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Solvunn, the portal is a short walk away. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready for your bed, you're brought to the center of town and escorted to an apartment above one of the establishments in town. The living conditions are temporary if you'd like them to be: the local families would also be happy to host you in their home. In return, you'll be expected to contribute to their household, taking upon daily chores and repairs. While money has its uses, many establishments and craftsmen are happy to barter with your time or skill for their goods. You'll find your willingness to trade and your friendliness with the natives more valuable than gold.

You can even leave for the other two settlements if you like, but you're encouraged to remain in the Primary Settlement. Just be sure you have an invitation to the Secondary Settlement. There are tales of travelers visiting the secondary settlement without invitation disappearing without a trace. The gods are as hungry as they are protective.

Questions and Answers

If after reading these you're still unsure about anything, or your question wasn't covered, please feel free to hit up our Questions thread below!

How many slots are open?

Please check the Taken page for how many player, franchise, and canon slots are available. Activity check will be processed before applications open, so the count may change between now and then. Existing players can apply for a second character without restriction.

How do I choose a scenario for my character?

Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Which faction your character is drawn into has nothing to do with their personal morality, beliefs, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into any one of the situations.

What happens if my character refuses to comply with the NPCs?

They will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and the faction leaders will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, they will be warned once that everyone is willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight they will make good on that promise.

My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the cities, murdering the NPCs, etc.), what would happen to them?

Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other NPCs would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude and intervention from various NPC guards, and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Abraxans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.

Is the power loss for characters permanent?

No, but it does take a week or so for their powers to be back in full, and certain powers (determined on a case-by-case basis) may require nerfs. If your character has world-breaking powers, please discuss with the mods what modifications may be necessary.

Can my character leave the bounds of the nation?

In Thorne, characters can leave the castle but not the city. In the Free Cities, they can take a trip from the outpost to the nearest main city, Cadens. In Solvunn, they can explore the entirety of the Primary Settlement.

Can my character eventually change nations or kingdoms?

Yes, but tensions between the major nations are at an all-time high. Doing so is possible, but will require some plotting and discussion with the mods once you're in-game!

How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?

This choice will determine where your character initially lives as well as the bias of the information they receive from NPCs (although other PCs can and most likely will give it to them a bit more straight). It will also affect your character's day-to-day life and development. Characters who seek technological advancements or combat will find more of it in the Free Cities while those keen on court politics and learning magic will have the most access to it in Thorne. Anyone who wishes to uncover the secrets of the Old Gods and forest mysteries will best do so in Solvunn.

This is not to say characters can't do these things from another faction - with effort and the help of friends, anything is possible! Don't get too anxious about your choice. This is just one of many, and every character in each scenario can work their way towards many individual goals and outcomes. Additionally, once in-game the Horizon will provide characters with a way to easily find cross-faction CR.

Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?

No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the three scenarios on your application.

What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?

Your Arcana sign won't have an immediate impact on your character beyond them seeing it on themselves or being told what it is by the locals. You're welcome to disregard those aspects in your prompts or try out different signs.

Can my character go to the Horizon?

First time visitors to the Horizon must be taken there by other characters, through either shared meditation or a physical journey to the Singularity, and all first-timers experience memory loss. For the purposes of the TDM, we suggest against using the Horizon.

If you're interested in threading with characters outside your borders on the TDM, you can utilize the Nocwich prompt which will allow all characters to meet in person regardless of arrival scenario.

What about making use of the network?

Much like Horizon they would need to be introduced to it by another PC, as no NPCs would be aware of the network or be able to access it. Because of this, we would advise against using this mechanic for TDM top-levels.

Can I try out more than one arrival scenario on the same TDM?

Yes, although only threads taking place in the arrival scenario you formally choose upon applying can count as canon. However, you're welcome to try out as many as you like on the TDM.

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Comments

[carmesi]

[a long time ago, steve had her promise him one thing: to never get into the mind of the avengers again—her coworkers, her colleagues, her friends, (her family, too, as time went by). ever since, she's never done it, not after ultron.

but right now it is impossible for her to not hear the noise which spills forth into clint's head. even at the most base level of her telepathy, she can still hear it.

loud and clear.

and yet, it's so quiet out here in the farm. the leaves sway about in the breeze, a rush of faint applause, the lazy bleating of goats in the distance. in the emptiness of noise, wanda puts a warm hand to clint's worn own. should he have reached out to her, after they had parted ways? that which remained of the avengers can toss and turn in their sleep over their choices, but wanda's always known her path was a lonely one. what she does know is that she wishes to be an anchor that tethers clint to the now.

grief's like a wave. it just knocks you down, again and again. the waves crash harsh and cold against her legs.]

Time works differently here. [it begs repeating.] She's from that very moment.

[she squeezes his hand tighter.]

A world with Natasha is a world I'd happily stay in for a while longer.

[don't you think so, too?]

[brandingproblem]

[There isn't anything in life that has ever been fair, but that is so fucking unfair that he could laugh if he wasn't afraid it would be a very different noise wrung out of him. Time works differently. She still can't come home, because she will, most likely, return to that very moment. Or, fuck, maybe that's not even how this works anymore, given he watched Nebula waste Nebula and keep walking. But maybe he can make this choice, choose to stay for a time, and not miss a second back home.

(And? Would he keep getting older? Does time still work that way? How much more does he want to add to five years? Will Natasha get to become old and beautifully grey here?)

Wanda's grip is strong. Clint is aware that his is stronger, and so he takes care. Does not hold on with every ounce of desperation in him. But holds nevertheless.]

Are you happy here?

[Rather than keep asking after Natasha, someone who he is going to find without question.]

[carmesi]

[the question draws back on her a touch. it certainly is like clint to draw the attention away from himself, from how affected he feels, to those around him. wanda knows the gears are turning in his head, of possibility and circumstance and actions that he will take, but for all the men in her life who have trouble putting thoughts into words, clint's she understands best.

clint's she can be forgiving about, especially when he asks a question she is sure others have phrased towards her in similar terms.

instead of answering it directly, her delivery is a little telling, at first, as if she expects others to have her explain her onset of happiness in this world, despite the trauma of losing vision (and her sons and pietro) being so relatively recent in her heart.]

Maybe one day Pietro will be brought here. [she turns her head, looks out at the trees, a small smile on her features.] Maybe Vision will find himself hating the way politics work here, butt heads with leaders of the factions to talk about peace rather than an impending war.

[maybe her sons might be able to exist here without needing a hex to keep them sentient and alive.

she draws a breath, back straightening. she thinks of those whom she's gained here, despite everything. her little family in this very farm, those friends she's made when she never was able to back home, those loved ones she thought she'd never see again, and someone she could see herself breaking the laws of the multiverse for if just to spend a single day with him in new york.]

I know I can't run away from what I've done forever, [lagos, westview, the multiverse—] but no one's afraid of me here despite it.

[wanda turns her mouth to the side, mulling over her thoughts. more so than happy, perhaps...]

I feel loved here.

[and isn't that what wanda's ever wanted?]

[brandingproblem]

[They've always been able to talk, open and honest. Sometimes they come at it from the side. Wanda because it's easier to glide gently into an answer or a feeling; Clint because after a life of being a spy, coming in at an angle is second nature. Sometimes he is, however, extremely direct. Bullseye.

Of course the instinct is to leave. Escape and bring everyone here back home where they belong. That this is some kind of interdimensional magical kidnapping, and he's really not fucking about it, and no one else should be, either.

But Wanda is loved. Here. She's not seen as a monster; people are not afraid of her enough to put her in a collar and straitjacket. She has a place here. And the possibility of loved ones coming here, too. Even if he finds a way back...he wouldn't force Wanda to come.

He just wants to make sure that this isn't an illusion.]

Okay.

[He still needs details, needs to know exactly what's going on, who where when how why. But Wanda, who has been here for some time, is loved. In a world where Natasha is alive. For the moment, that has to be good enough. Clint raises their hands to press hers to his chest. His heart might still be just beating hard enough from the revelation and panic and joy and fear to be felt through the bars of his ribs, but none of it is directed at her or because of her.

He wants to ask, then. To keep being direct. But instead of demanding to know about Westview (and whatever may have happened after), he comes from the side. Gives some of himself. An exchange.]

Kids are good. Everyone's adjusting to it being a later calendar year than they're used to, and some of their friends being older and moved on. And Nate's smarter than me some days, but it's still hard to figure out how to explain why things are different to a toddler, you know? Not a whole lot of legitimate literature out there yet.

[And it's a reason he's so anxious to be here. His youngest was gone for longer than he had ever gotten the chance to be alive. He'll be an old man by the time the kiddo graduates high school. Cooper should be in college with Lila nipping at his heels. Laura should be making jokes about a nearly-empty nest. He's survived a lot he had no right to, and he's grappling with the fact that he's running out of time.]

We're all learning sign language as a family. [A tight smile, a brief motion up to his ears. For the purposes of this thread and not actually considering any alternative until this very moment, let us presume he has his hearing aid or a close-enough equivalent. He's not too embarrassed about it. More that he hadn't picked up ASL beforehand when it's so useful. Military hand signals are not so great for civilian life.] Hearing's kinda shot now. Docs say it's just been a cumulative effect. I'm not too good at it yet, but the kids are picking it up real well.

And I inadvertently picked up an apprentice.

[You know, casual normal stuff that definitely doesn't need elaborated upon. The floor is now open for Wanda to say what she will.]

[carmesi]

[it's just like clint to come at it from the side, wanda notes, amused, understanding fully how it is that the two of them tend to talk about things. always circling around the topic of pietro dying when it affected the both of them so strongly. wanda grieved, and clint named his youngest after her brother.

she can feel his heartbeat at the back of her hand, and, really, it just makes wanda grow cozy against him, pressing a cheek to his shoulder as he talks.

no matter how extraordinary their lives and 'jobs' were, wanda loves nothing more than hearing people talk about the mundane and the trivialities of their lives. to hear clint talk about his kids—something she feels a strong connection to, now. (she gets it, she does, wanting to see one's kids grow and not miss out a single second of it.) wanda looks up a bit when he mentions that his family's been learning sign language, and that's when she pulls away to look at him.]

You'll have to teach me.

[in the same way that she wants to pick up braille to adjust and understand matt's disability, she wants to also learn and adjust to what would make things easier for clint.

we could learn together goes unsaid, if he's still—well, getting good at it.

but that's enough of a pause from him to mention he's picked up an apprentice. wanda makes a face, brow pinching.]

You're probably the crabbiest mentor there ever could be. [how? why?] I still think about your high school pep talk.

[about moping and such.

wanda still is, for her part, quite a bit cagey about her own circumstances, though she does try and preface it with a simple question:]

Was Westview big on the news?

[she's been wondering about that. just how bad the reports must have been, worse than what happened in lagos, surely, exaggerating and blowing up her intentions her many prior mistakes.]

[brandingproblem]

[He flashes a grin at her assessment of his mentoring.] And you still want me to teach you anything?

[He'd taught her what he could. They all did. Little bits and pieces of the Avengers all living in Wanda, passing on their lessons. And for as much as he railed against the idea of mentoring Kate, he'd passed on some lessons to her in a few short, jam-packed days, too.

Life's the best teacher there is. But some help along the way doesn't hurt.

He'll have to get into that at some point. For the sake of context. That maybe if Wanda ever does go back, she might be hearing Hawkeye and seeing someone very different. But it's Wanda's turn to attempt this. Asking after the damage done, in a sense. What he knows, and thus, what her reputation now is.

Clint tilts his head, watching her. His hearing might be damn near gone, but his eyes are as good as they ever were. For as shit as he is with his own emotions, he can read and handle others in a way that tends to surprise. She's expecting big. She's expecting awful. She could be asking as a test of sorts, but if she was anywhere after--afterwards, with newspapers and radio and television, then she would also know.

He's never been in the habit of making things easy for anyone. He's not about to start now.]

I'd never heard of the place until you.

[It doesn't answer the question. Could be it was big, that he saw it, heard about, read about it. Could be he just has his finger on certain pulses, has sources of intel that are still alive and kicking. He doesn't think the answer is all that important, because this is the sideways slide in.]

[carmesi]

Until me.

[she echoes.

that's a full sentence, isn't it? 'what happened? wanda maximoff happened.' it feels like the story just repeats itself over and over, with no real sense of conclusive ending to it, with no sense of her ever learning from her mistakes, intentional or otherwise.

wanda knows what clint is doing.

and she knows that she's going to hate what her words imply about what the avengers didn't do, after tony's funeral.]

I went looking for Vision's body. [is what she starts with, a quiet confession.] Asking around, it led me to SWORD. I knew they were keeping him there. But — the Mind Stone was destroyed, so he just... wasn't there.

[it happened about three years ago, for her, but the memory is still far too fresh. a shake of her head, drawing her hand back from his, twisting and holding onto her fingers as she's prone to do.]

He bought a property in Westview. It was going to be a house.

[—to grow old in—]

A home.

[wanda shrugs, silent for a moment, looking away. it's always hard to admit when she's done wrong, especially because no one ever bothers to see eye to eye with her. reflections of the world she left behind resurface, fears of being judged, of being seen as a monster.]

I... [she shrugs.] I couldn't stop it. It hurt so much.

[brandingproblem]

[There's a lot there already. He's not the guy to go to about the legality of anything. Probably not the go-to guy for philosophical quandaries, either. One part Ship of Theseus, one part if a tree falls in the woods, a lot of parts a question of human consciousness and souls. If the thing that granted his life is gone, then is the body anything more than just a vessel? (Natasha's corpse had to be left on an alien world fuck knows how far away fuck knows how many years ago. Is it still her?)

But Wanda's had a lot taken from her. Every part of her family, from parents to brother to lover. Her home no longer exists, the remnants of Sokovia split up to the neighboring countries.

And then a new home. For them. Reduced to a plot of land for one.

There's a comment he could make, a suggestion after the fact. He's pretty good at home improvement projects. Knows people who knows people. Could've built something for her. But that's not the point, and he knows it. The problem with the kind of pain that Wanda feels is that feeling it with the whole of her self means feeling it with her magic.

It hurt so much. She couldn't stop it. With the kind of power inside of her, how could she?]

I don't know the details. [He'll admit that much.] But a couple thousand people stopped existing for a while, and when they came back... [A light shrug. Let her fill in the details.] I know what the fallout implies.

[Wanda's never touched his mind deliberately. He'd made a very emphatic point about that the only time she's ever tried. That's what happens when one gets real familiar with the sensation.]

[carmesi]

[the fallout implies that she made a mistake, and people were unwilling to forgive her. they saw her pain, felt it, raw and unbridled, and they still deigned her a monster. a sokovian without a home, nationality scratched out of all documentation, only to be found on some accords that no longer exist .

sometimes, it's like she doesn't exist. wanda maximoff, terrorist. people looked at her pain and said she was not worth the sympathy.

and so she had fled, removed herself from everyone, bruised and grieving the loss of her children. it didn't matter that she had made them with magic, she was a mother, and even now she struggles to reconcile the fact that she will never see them again. all the wandas across the multiverse, and she's the only one completely, and utterly, alone.

how is any of it fair?

wanda stands, takes a few steps away from the bench they were sat at. the crunch of grass under her boots, the swell of the breeze on her hair, the rough cloth of the sleeves on her arms against her skin.]

I found a witch there in Westview. She read me a prophecy about who I was, what my powers were — my magic.

[this is chaos magic, wanda. that makes you the scarlet witch.

echoes of a world past.]

I'd brought Vision back. In the perfect little world I created, we had boys. [she turns to face him, just over her shoulder, knowing she's skipping so much context.] Twins.

[she shakes her head, a gust of air her sigh as her shoulders slump.]

I gave them all up. Because it was the right thing to do, to set things right. Just not — ever — for me.

[every sacrifice she's ever made, all amounting to nothing in the end.]

[brandingproblem]

[What he knows is that Wanda's abilities do not come naturally to her. She and her brother were science experiments, with an object that still occasionally gives him nightmares. He doesn't scoff at the idea of a prophecy, but it really does sound ridiculous. People can debate about fate and destiny all they want. It's a bunch of bullshit to him.

What catches his attention more--staying seated, letting her go where and how she needs to, watching--is the idea that she didn't just inadvertently mindfuck a town. She made a home exist. She made Vision come back. She made...kids. In the span of a week or so.

And then gave it all up. Is that what happened? When she hadn't, to his understanding, even done any of it deliberately in the first place? When her grief had driven the power inside her to do...all of that, he assumes?

He shakes his head and leans forward, elbows on his knees.]

I'm not here to judge you, Wanda. I can be a hypocrite, but not that big of one. [Though a monster might be able to call out another monster.] I'm just trying to understand what happened.

[carmesi]

We'd be sitting here until sundown, Clint.

[when she speaks again, she makes sure that she turns around so that he can hear her properly—read her lips properly. no one here has judged her for what she's done, but she wonders if the avengers and those adjacent to them are really a good baseline judge for any of it.

what would normal people say about her? what do the residents of westview think about when they speak her name? hatred and disgust, most likely.]

What happens is that with Vision gone I lost not just the man I loved, but a chance at a future life. The moment SWORD took his body and the rest of us came back five years later, all they wanted was to see if I could [here she raises her hands, does air quotes] bring him back online.

[hands falling back to her sides, exasperated, she sighs.]

He was more than just a weapon. He was everything to me. [after losing pietro and her home, wanda needed no one and nothing but vision. they could go anywhere, and she'd be at ease by his side. too bad it was just so shortlived, so painful to say goodbye.] After Westview, I left. Outskirts of what was Sokovia, grew some apples for a few years.

[wanda shrugs. anything but touching that happened when she got deep into the magic of the darkhold.]

Understanding what happened won't help much. If you have specific questions then you should ask them.

[brandingproblem]

[Of course any way Wanda explains what she did and why is going to come out sounding more in her favor. But there are things that are just...wrong. He lets out a harsh scoff.] You can't reboot a soul. [Even if it was a different flavor of Stone that had granted him more than mere personality, but true life. Even Stark couldn't make an AI like that. Close, but not quite.

He doesn't know if there's more to it than that, but fucking off to the middle of nowhere would explain why she might not know the actual fallout of the town.]

You said you had kids. [It's not phrased like a question, but the please explain??? is still evident in there.]

[carmesi]

[in the end, clint sinks the hooks of his questions on the one most people also get hung up about. that being how she 'had kids', how that process of motherhood didn't quite happen so naturally for her.

but that doesn't make her any less of a mother. that doesn't make her grieving for her kids any less real. she had them and then she lost them, and to this day she debates a kind soul's suggestion that she make a small shrine for her twins, so that she can properly say goodbye to them.

(she doesn't want to. not yet.)]

Tommy and Billy.

[their names are said with sweetness in her voice, but the bitterness they leave in her heart always remains.]

I made them with magic.

[brandingproblem]

Yeah, I figured that part out. [He says it lightly. It's not so much the how, broadly. Wanda's got magic, magic does freaky stuff, and everyone with it is capable of so much more than Clint can dream up. It'd be scary out of someone who isn't Wanda. But did they just...pop into existence at a certain age? Did she, in the same kind of way the Stone had given Vision life, give them life?

(Which would then circle back to some very pertinent questions about rebooting souls. Given she also magicked up at hus-viz, presumably.)
(And then, if they were just illusions, that brings in questions of reality and sentience.)
(Fuck, he is not suited for shit like that.)]

Tell me about them?

[carmesi]

[wanda's hands curl into fists, because despite her best efforts, she can still get a basic read of what's going on through clint's mind. yeah, he definitely is not suited for shit like this.

—who is?

she decides to put her hands inside the pockets of her skirt.]

They were real to me, Clint. [which is to say...] I gave birth to them, I carried them as babies in my arms. I saw them grow.

[alright, so maybe she's a little defensive about things, still.]

[brandingproblem]

And then you had to give them up.

[Which...isn't that so much worse than simply losing them? To make the conscious choice to let go.]

How big did the munchkins get? How...old, I guess, were they? Seeing as time obviously got a little funky in there. What were they like?

[The kind of things he wants to know when he asks to know about them. It's clear that people have told her to her face that they weren't real, or that she dreamed them up, or that being illusions made them somehow less to someone who altered reality with the power of her own grief. And he can't say shit for shit about what counts as real when it comes to magic making things so. But he can see a mother's love.]

[carmesi]

[—and there goes clint, finding ways to break through the cracks that make her vulnerable. maybe wanda will just chalk it up to him being a dad, knowing about these kinds of things.

her expression pinches, brow furrowed, and she looks down a moment—blinking quickly. how embarrassing that crying comes so easy to her since she last saw him. she's just so tired of losing what and who she loves, there are just no more words for it but to let her tears fall. funny how those never seem to dry out.

with a deep breath, she picks her head up again, opening her mouth and puffing air out. as if surfacing out the water to breathe.]

Ten.

[clint is reserving his judgement (if there's any to give), just wanting to hear her talk about them. that's fair, she thinks, and—honestly? she wishes talking about them would bring them back.]

They had... the perfect smiles. Tommy was freckly, I was freckly when I was a kid. Loud, always checking Billy was with him. [quiet are her steps as she walks back to the bench, sits herself down.] Billy, he — [a short laugh, closing her eyes for a moment, as if remembering.] had a toothy smile, was quieter, cuddled anytime he could.

[but the reality was, her time with them was incredibly shortlived. she mourns losing them as much as she mourns not being able to spend more than a few short days with them. she opens her eyes again, staring down at her hands. she wanted what other wandas had.]

I loved them.

[brandingproblem]

[She has to feel what she feels. How could she not? To put so much change and so much love into a few short days, to have it ripped away again, another chance at happiness dashed. Five years on, and Clint had nowhere near worked through his grief. If he could have simply reached out and changed reality, if he could have changed it all with a though, if he'd had the power to bring them back--

She has to feel what she feels, because there is no other way to feel.

He smiles at her, sad, sorry, but also happy that she got to experience that. Places an arm around her to pull her in.]

Ten's a good age. Too young to start on the rebellious teenage shit, old enough to have grown out of some of the more precocious childhood shenanigans. Get in trouble, but it's not crayons on the wall trouble, and it's not denting the car trouble.

[He's gonna be damn near sixty by the time Nate goes through that. Hopefully he won't be as troublesome as his middle-namesake.

There's a question that he's circling, though, and it feels...shitty. But now it feels real pertinent.]

You ever try bringing them back again? All of them? [Surely she doesn't need a whole town under thrall to conjure up Vision and Tommy and Billy. Right?]

sorry for the delay!!

[carmesi]

[any other circumstance, she'd laugh at how the avengers constantly had a way of treating her like a kid. younger than the lot of them, sure, but she always felt like a child following the guidance of adults—a tenuous standing of who she was in the grand scheme of everything, dislodged from a safe harbor when she lost pietro, fledgling steps into a new world all by herself. but this is clint, and when he places an arm around her and pulls her in—

she lets it happen.

wanda isn't ashamed to brush away the tears that roll from her cheeks when he speaks about how ten's a good age to be. she and pietro had been ten when the novi grad bombings changed their lives forever. she tucks herself in closer to him, her head finding a resting point on his shoulder.]

...there are rules that even I must follow. I can't reverse death.

[no matter how sad it makes her.

—and, honestly, if she could just create tommy and billy again, wouldn't she? it's not that easy. their souls came through the wonderful miracle of magic and a wish, chose her to be their mom.]

My Tommy and Billy — are gone. Just like Vis. I know they exist, somewhere, in some other universe, but they're not my children. I'm never getting them back.

[she has to tell herself this, otherwise it'd be too hard to bear. it's broken her, once, after all.]