TEST DRIVE MEME #11

[abraxasmods]

Test Drive Meme

Welcome to the Test Drive Meme for Abraxas! This meme is run a little bit differently than most in that you'll be asked to choose one of the three different arrival scenarios below for your character to take. If you have any questions about this mechanic or anything else related to the TDM, please take a look at the questions below or ask one of your own under the Questions header below. For general game questions please still use the FAQ.

Below are some links to information you may find useful. Our Setting pages have information about the world itself as well as current events for each nation, while our Game History page outlines the game's story so far.

Setting | Game History | NPCs | Arcana
You can also find answers to questions asked on previous TDMs in their respective questions threads.

Reminder that the TDM is forward-dated to when the summonings occur in-game, at the start of April. For current players, this means all of the Summoned will have been rescued and recently returned home to their respective factions.

For prospective players, there's no need to familiarize yourself with the recent event, but prompts in the TDM may reflect the aftermath.

Summoning

You awaken suspended in the abyss, silent darkness stretching out in all directions. If you try to yell, you'll find that the sound doesn't carry. If you try to move, you'll find it's impossible to tell whether or not you're actually getting anywhere. If you reach for an item you were carrying last time you remember being awake, your hand will only touch bare skin.

You're naked and floating helplessly through the void, and what little air you have in your lungs is running out.

There's a pinprick of light that almost looks like a faraway star but as it grows it becomes clear that it's actually quite close. It's hard to make out any individual objects, as if you're looking from beneath rippling water.

A hand plunges through and you realize water is just what it is. Whether you take hold of the hand or not it will grab you and yank you up through the surface, lifting you out until you're sprawled on solid ground - still unclothed.

Arrival

You'll find yourself summoned to one of the following three major nations: the extravagant and magical Kingdom of Thorne, the bustling and advanced Free Cities, or the tightknit and faith-driven rural community of the Solvunn Commune.

If you had any powers, they feel unusually weak. Attempts to use magic or enhanced strength or powers of any sort fizzle out without any effect, but they don't feel completely gone, either. After a week or so, your abilities will return.

When you gather your bearings at last, you look up into a series of unfamiliar faces...and equally unfamiliar surroundings.

Welcome to Thorne

Set into an indent on a marble slab behind the fountain is a card bearing the image of one of the Arcana. An apprentice mage - the one whose hand lifted you out of the fountain - brushes the water off on their robes and runs back to join a group of three others, who all stare intently at another mage with highly decorated robes and a large, heavy book. The man peers up at you for a moment and starts flipping through the book.

"One moment," he says, not bothering to look up from the tome. He looks tired. "I am Ambrose Rhett, the High Mage of the Kingdom of Thorne. We’ll explain everything in a moment, but for now, please calm down. You’re completely fine."

Regardless of your response, he keeps flipping through the pages, until he stops on one specific passage, stares at it for a moment, and then nods, satisfied. "Excellent." He motions for one of the young apprentice mages over. "Settle our guest in, please. I don't have all day."

The apprentice hurries forward with a fine silk tunic, pants, and some basic sandals. With a wave of their hand, the clothes reshape to fit you perfectly. Once you're dressed, the apprentice leads you into the hallways of Castle Thorne, prattling on about the kingdom, names of royals and nobles, and, of course, the reason why you're here: the world itself is in great peril, and tales of your exploits have reached far and wide across universes. If asked about these exploits, the apprentice will simply smile and shrug. The High Mage was happy to see you and that's good enough.

◎ Surroundings

Castle Thorne is where not only royals and members of the court reside, but includes the surrounding city itself. Now in spring, the weather mild and cool. In the distance, you can see snow-covered mountain peaks that are beginning to melt, and the gardens are in bloom. The castle is enchanted to be at a comfortable temperature.

As you walk or look around, you take in some of what's going on around you:

• The North Wing, devoted to housing the Summoned, is tightly guarded against outsiders. As one of the Summoned, you're free to come and go. The guards aren't keeping anyone prisoner. They're there to protect you, and they take their jobs seriously.


• Apprentices, kitchen staff, guards - everyone seems to be bustling and busy. The air is tense, and you hear chatter of abductions and mutated victims who were only just recovered a week ago.


• The infirmary is full. Healers are in high demand. Normally, Thorne's staff put effort into welcoming new arrivals. This time, they're focused on what seems to be an influx of the wounded - including other Summoned who arrived before you.


• Despite the troubles, life in the Castle is beginning to resume. Still, you can sense that a major crisis has only just been resolved, and much of the fallout remains.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the land, Castle Thorne and its surrounding city have much for you to indulge in.

Care Packages
Castle staff are putting together care packages consisting of flowers, hot meals, and draughts to manage pain. Gather flowers from one of Thorne's many beautiful gardens. The gardeners will direct you if you ask, though you're welcome to gather anything that catches your eye. There's no magic in the flowers beyond their ability to brighten up someone's day.

You can put together the bouquets and care packages with a partner, as well as deliver them yourself to one of the older resting Summoned. They might be in the infirmary or in their rooms depending on their injuries. Why not stay and chat? Though you've only just met, they've evidently been through something terrible. Perhaps they could use a friend.

Magic Lessons
Regular magic lessons are held by apprentice mages as part of their training, usually involving learning to cast a small spell. These classes are for the natives of Thorne, but you're welcome to join if you wish. The spell they will be teaching is conjuring a modest defensive light shield that can protect against a single magical blow. The spell relies on Academic Magic which involves a few words said correctly. You'll likely need a few lessons to grasp it unless you're well-versed in magic already. In the meantime, the class of fresh-faced students means there's a constant bright explosion of light coming from the practice room as the spells fail. It isn't dangerous, but it can be annoying.

Forest Growth
Patches of woods in the city of Castle Thorne have suffered from dead flora. It appears to be related to some heavy magical corruption from the past several weeks. Though Thorne's deemed it too dangerous to go directly into the woods, you can help plant new saplings in square crates filled with soil and pack them onto wagons. Make sure they're secured and kept upright. These trees will be taken out into the woods later by mages to replace the withered plantlife in the forests.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Castle Thorne, the portal is a short walk around the back of the castle. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready to rest, you're shown to the North Wing, which has been set up as living quarters for you and your fellow newcomers. There are four people to a room, but each generously-sized bed has opaque curtains that can be drawn around it. You can meet your roommates here and discuss your shared situation (those who were previously brought in may have a great deal of information to tell you).

Although you can leave the castle, you can't leave its surrounding city with the exception of entering Nott via portal in order to assist with rebuilding or visiting Nocwich. Borders are especially well-guarded right now due to the recent attacks. Besides, Castle Thorne gives you everything you need: fine clothes, great food and wine, massive libraries, and all the magic and knowledge you could want. Isn't that plenty? You won't be given money as you're provided for, so if you want to do some personal spending later, you'll have to find a job in the city on your own.

Welcome to the Free Cities

Dry warmth hits you at once as you're set on a hard floor of dull ruddy stone. Men and women in unfamiliar uniforms of brown and red leather stand in a semi-circle around a small pool of water - the very pool you were just pulled from. The water is still now, rimmed in pale gold tiles with odd symbols etched into them. Across it is a raised pedestal with a card bearing an Arcana symbol.

A guard covers you with a simple robe and returns to their place in the semi-circle. Before you stands another woman, dressed in a more elaborate and decorated uniform than the others. A sword rests at her hip. She carries an air of authority as she approaches you with a nod and a warm smile. "Sorry about the circumstances. Take a minute, catch your breath. I'm Prime Minister Marlo Reiner and you're in The Free Cities. That nice lady over there will explain everything to you and get you settled."

A robed mage off to the side approaches to help you up. She brings you out of the cave through a corridor that angles upwards until you emerge in what looks like some kind of storage facility. You'll learn you're in the Cadens Desert Outpost 003, a military base on the outskirts of the major city of Cadens. You're told the world is in delicate and dangerous times, and you're needed to help. You're important and they're very grateful you're here.

◎ Surroundings

While you're currently at the outpost just outside of the city proper, Cadens on the whole is a large bustling city. Temperatures are rising, and the climate is hot and dry, though still pleasant - during the day, at least. At night, they'll cool rapidly. Desert blooms dot the landscape for the spring. Look to the west and you'll see a long stretch of desert wasteland. This is the infamous Badlands. The soldiers don't recommend going out there unprepared - you're likely to face a slow death to the elements or be eaten. Reaching Cadens is possible by wagon, a trip of about 2 hours each way. You're asked to return by sundown for your own safety... but no one will chase after you if you don't.

You'll be given a military style uniform with your Arcana stitched on it where a formal rank would normally be. As you walk or look around, you take in some of what's going on around you:

• Libertas shows signs of having suffered a devastating attack, but a good portion of it is rebuilt including a new garden park memorial that commemorates the lives lost. Chatter has shifted from the fire attacks to the abductions and failed experiments recovered only a week ago.


• From Cadens to Aquila to Libertas, the streets are heavily guarded. Soldiers patrol all areas, especially those typically occupied by the Summoned. This includes a particular inn and tavern in the heart of Cadens - The Sarstina - where the Summoned like you are often found...though it may not be as busy and thriving as it normally is.


• Instead, many of the older Summoned are either resting in their homes or recovering in Cadens' largest hospital. Doctors are busy, and the hospital is heavily guarded, too.


• Despite the troubles, life around the Free Cities is beginning to resume. Still, you can sense that a major crisis has only just been resolved, and much of the fallout remains.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the land, the barracks and Cadens have much for you to indulge in.

Training Grounds
Non-lethal training weapons and obstacle courses are set up for anyone to use. The soldiers will be watching, and if you catch their attention they might approach you and encourage you to enlist. You're free to invite other new arrivals to spar, but be sure to keep things friendly and avoid trouble. Discipline is key in the barracks. If you're especially competitive, the soldiers will sometimes hold impromptu obstacle races with informal wagers made. They'll be happy to race against even the most unlikely of opponents, and you'll be judged more on your spirit rather than your skill. If you really impress them, they'll even buy you a drink.

Supply Delivery
The Summoned are important to the Free Cities. The government means to take care of them through their recovery, and have instructed the military to assist. Soldiers are packing rations, medicine, and other supplies into crates to be delivered to the hospital in Cadens. You can help pack or make the deliveries yourself by hopping on the wagon. Though you aren't supposed to wander around the hospital, as one of the Summoned you have a bit more freedom than the average citizen. Maybe you could visit one of the rooms while you're there? Or you might run into a Summoned in the halls arriving to check on a friend.

Furry Friends
Researchers in Cadens have been studying the positive effects of animal companions on those who recently went through traumatic experiences. They've settled on the catlike Leosylph, a popular domestic breed, as the best choice. You can help bring these animals to anyone who would like one in the hospitals, or you can simply play with them and make sure they're fed while they're awaiting their assignments. They enjoy chasing mechanical mice powered by New Magic and purr when happy.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Cadens, the portal is a short walk away from the center of the city. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready to turn in, the barracks are waiting for you. They have a communal bathing room at the end of the hall, with curtains that can be pulled around the individual raised round tubs for privacy. Each barracks room is rather sparse. Six simple beds set against the wall, three on each side of the room, each with a trunk at the foot of it. You can greet your roommates here, most of whom will be new arrivals, as well.

If you plan on making use of your assigned quarters, you'll have your basic needs met: uniforms, a roof, bland food from the mess hall, and access to the training grounds. You won't be paid unless you formally enlist with the army. The longer you take advantage of the barracks, the greater the pressure to enlist. Some soldiers will start to see you as a freeloader if you refuse to join them yet continue to use their resources. If you're set on not enlisting, you can always strike out on your own in Cadens - but you won't be provided for and handouts are rare. You'll have to work to earn every copper and loaf of bread. Whether that's honest work is up to you.

Welcome to Solvunn

You're in a grassy clearing in the midst of a circle of large stone slabs stacked to look like doorways. In the middle is the same glimmering pool you were just pulled from. An elderly mage stands before an ornate altar. He holds an old leather-bound book in one hand and in the other is a card bearing an arcana symbol. "I detect no ill will from the gods," he says. "It seems we've been blessed with success."

Those that had gathered all breathe a sigh of relief and now seem pleased. One offers you some clothes of leather and knitted wool that seem to fit you perfectly. A rough-looking man steps forward once you're dressed and motions with his head outside of the stone circle. His speech is informal, his consonants harsh.

"Hold your horses, I can see all those questions coming about! Rowan March, at your service. I'm one of the council members of Solvunn. There's a lot to discuss, but it's best talked about over a hot meal." He leads you to a horse-drawn carriage and helps you up into the back. He talks the entire ride to the center of the Primary Settlement. You're told that the world hangs upon the brink of disaster and that there are those in this world that are happy to see it fall to ruin with their meddling.

You're important. The gods have graced them with your presence. They're delighted you're here.

◎ Surroundings

The Primary Settlement is full of greenery, blessed with the fresh ocean breeze. Winds are pleasantly cool with the occasional heavy spring rains that soak the farmlands. The scent of wildflowers fills the air. The shops, farms, and homes around you are all modest and unassuming. You get the sense that the people here prefer to blend in with their neighbors than stand out.

As you walk or look around, you'll be greeted warmly, even eagerly...though there's an edge of awestruck nervousness to some. Though the settlement is often quiet and calm, there's still plenty to take in:

• Shops and stalls in Solvunn are temporarily closed. Many of Solvunn's residents have instead dedicated their time to helping the rescued Summoned. They're reluctant to speak of the recent abductions, stating that what happened was blasphemous to the Old Gods.


• Solvunn Elders will accompany anyone who strays too far from the Settlements, and will give you protective charms to make sure you're safe. You're advised to stay close to the commune where possible.


• Shrines around the settlements are overflowing with offerings. It seems something has happened recently that's made the locals especially dedicated to showing their devotion.


• You're free to venture towards the ocean if you like, though heed the warnings of leviathans. These beasts do not stir near the shores, but if you look closely in the far distance - at night in particular - you'll see the water's surface bubble and roil beneath the moonlight.

◎ Exploring

Despite the troubles that plague the commune, the commune and its settlements have much for you to indulge in.

Warding Homes
In order to aid recovery, commune Elders have asked for your help to ward the doors of homes occupied by the Summoned. Many of these homes are in housing provided by the Council or with host families in the settlement. You can hang bone wreathes on the doors to request blessings of protection and healing from the Old Gods. You can also bring hot meals and herbal medicine to the Summoned while you're there. Host families are friendly, and will welcome you in as long as the Summoned inside are willing to receive you, as well.

Shrine Offerings
As a new arrival, you'll be encouraged to perform your first offering. This can be anything that feels right to you: fruit, wine, flowers, even an animal you've hunted. Whatever you choose, it must be retrieved by your own hand meaning you must pick the fruit, cut the flowers, or pour the wine yourself. You can travel to the shrine by yourself or with a companion. Once there, lay your offering and ask for a blessing through Solvunn's tradition of High Magic. Blessings are often made for the commune overall such as abundant crops or good weather. You will not see the effects right away, but you may find over the next day or so that the sun has cut through the rain. Of course, you're free to dismiss this as the nature of how weather works...but don't be too loud about it. Solvunn takes its beliefs very seriously.

Goat Herding
Due to the circumstances, Solvunn's traditional chaotic goat races will not be happening this month. This means the goats are filled with pent-up energy. Ornery and mischievous, they'll headbutt anything that moves, chew fence posts and clothes, and generally make a nuisance of themselves - some even escaping their pens. Exasperated farmers and herders are struggling. You can help retrieve escaped goats, repair broken fences, and do your best to contain the animals.

Nocwich
Nocwich, which is shrouded in an eternal darkness and is home to the werewolves and the vampires, opens on the first weekend of every month for a total of 3 days. Shortly after arriving, you'll be given a pendant that allows you to travel to and from the portal. In Solvunn, the portal is a short walk away. While Nocwich is normally thriving, no shops are open in Oleuni Square. Nocwich citizens explain that unforeseen circumstances prevent the market from opening as usual and request you return next month to explore. However, you can stay to help. Tents, tables, and medical supplies around the Square need to be taken down and packed up. You can guess that this was once a site for heavy rescue operations and emergency treatment.

◎ Settling In

When you're ready for your bed, you're brought to the center of town and escorted to an apartment above one of the establishments in town. The living conditions are temporary if you'd like them to be: the local families would also be happy to host you in their home. In return, you'll be expected to contribute to their household, taking upon daily chores and repairs. While money has its uses, many establishments and craftsmen are happy to barter with your time or skill for their goods. You'll find your willingness to trade and your friendliness with the natives more valuable than gold.

You can even leave for the other two settlements if you like, but you're encouraged to remain in the Primary Settlement. Just be sure you have an invitation to the Secondary Settlement. There are tales of travelers visiting the secondary settlement without invitation disappearing without a trace. The gods are as hungry as they are protective.

Questions and Answers

If after reading these you're still unsure about anything, or your question wasn't covered, please feel free to hit up our Questions thread below!

How many slots are open?

Please check the Taken page for how many player, franchise, and canon slots are available. Activity check will be processed before applications open, so the count may change between now and then. Existing players can apply for a second character without restriction.

How do I choose a scenario for my character?

Pick whichever situation appeals to you most. Which faction your character is drawn into has nothing to do with their personal morality, beliefs, or how highly they regard themselves and their own accomplishments. Anyone can be put into any one of the situations.

What happens if my character refuses to comply with the NPCs?

They will be forgiven for their moment of panic or anger if they have one, and the faction leaders will try to calm them and persuade them further. If they put up too much of a fight and/or start actively attacking anyone, they will be warned once that everyone is willing to put them back in the well where they came from (see below), and if they continue to fight they will make good on that promise.

My character intends on causing a lot of trouble (destroying parts of the cities, murdering the NPCs, etc.), what would happen to them?

Characters who make too much trouble for the mages and other NPCs would be thrown back in the well (which will mean drowning in the void, not returning home). Brawling with other PCs and causing minor damage is fine and will be greeted with a cranky attitude and intervention from various NPC guards, and there will be plenty of opportunity for destruction and murder later, but for now the Abraxans have no desire to keep huge liabilities around.

Is the power loss for characters permanent?

No, but it does take a week or so for their powers to be back in full, and certain powers (determined on a case-by-case basis) may require nerfs. If your character has world-breaking powers, please discuss with the mods what modifications may be necessary.

Can my character leave the bounds of the nation?

In Thorne, characters can leave the castle but not the city. In the Free Cities, they can take a trip from the outpost to the nearest main city, Cadens. In Solvunn, they can explore the entirety of the Primary Settlement.

Can my character eventually change nations or kingdoms?

Yes, but tensions between the major nations are at an all-time high. Doing so is possible, but will require some plotting and discussion with the mods once you're in-game!

How much will my choice of scenario affect my character's plot later on?

This choice will determine where your character initially lives as well as the bias of the information they receive from NPCs (although other PCs can and most likely will give it to them a bit more straight). It will also affect your character's day-to-day life and development. Characters who seek technological advancements or combat will find more of it in the Free Cities while those keen on court politics and learning magic will have the most access to it in Thorne. Anyone who wishes to uncover the secrets of the Old Gods and forest mysteries will best do so in Solvunn.

This is not to say characters can't do these things from another faction - with effort and the help of friends, anything is possible! Don't get too anxious about your choice. This is just one of many, and every character in each scenario can work their way towards many individual goals and outcomes. Additionally, once in-game the Horizon will provide characters with a way to easily find cross-faction CR.

Are TDM threads mandatory for my application?

No, you may use other samples, but we encourage you to post to the TDM and get a feel for this game and its mechanics before you join. If you do not have a TDM thread you will still need to choose one of the three scenarios on your application.

What if I haven't settled on a sign yet?

Your Arcana sign won't have an immediate impact on your character beyond them seeing it on themselves or being told what it is by the locals. You're welcome to disregard those aspects in your prompts or try out different signs.

Can my character go to the Horizon?

First time visitors to the Horizon must be taken there by other characters, through either shared meditation or a physical journey to the Singularity, and all first-timers experience memory loss. For the purposes of the TDM, we suggest against using the Horizon.

If you're interested in threading with characters outside your borders on the TDM, you can utilize the Nocwich prompt which will allow all characters to meet in person regardless of arrival scenario.

What about making use of the network?

Much like Horizon they would need to be introduced to it by another PC, as no NPCs would be aware of the network or be able to access it. Because of this, we would advise against using this mechanic for TDM top-levels.

Can I try out more than one arrival scenario on the same TDM?

Yes, although only threads taking place in the arrival scenario you formally choose upon applying can count as canon. However, you're welcome to try out as many as you like on the TDM.

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Comments

[obiwanofthosedays]

The benefit of Anakin never truly learning to master his expressions is that even now, all but Force blind and staggering under the differences in his Padawan, the mercurial rage and roil of feelings that cause a sandstorm in the Force he would feel like pressure at the base of his skull is just as evident in the flare of those terrible eyes, the crumpling of his brow and snarl of lip. Something terrible has happened- that goes without question. Something to wound Anakin so deeply and keenly that all he has left in him is to lash out-

Having never been the target of such an attack it doesn't occur to Obi-Wan to try to divert it, not that he could. He's yanked forward, boots dragging in the dirt, hands flying to his own throat to stave off that intangibly tangible crushing pressure, breath wheezing. Dooku did so love to do this- Asaji hadn't quite mastered the skill. But they were sith.

This? This is Anakin.

The boy he all but raised, the boy he trained, the boy he fought to keep, bled for, nearly died for, tended to with patience and tea and pride, with too much care if the Council had their concerns noted. What has he done to earn this? What lesson, what mission failed, what frustrated word earned him this-

This hatred?

"Anakin-" Confusion whirls in his mind more than fear, sharper than sorrow, and he barely manages not to collapse to his knees when he's dropped, rubbing at his throat and coughing- though he does stagger. Toward the boy, not away. Even in the worst of his rages, the depths of his frustration, Anakin never truly wanted to be alone. Sending him away was the worst sort of punishment, one Obi-Wan learned to avoid early on. "What- Stars, what happened? You've- you've just been Knighted, how...how long has it been?"

[chosenfordarkness]

It's funny how in the midst of war, the shades of grey start to shift in the compromise of winning. But it's fine, they'd told themselves, they were peacekeepers. The most damning of shifts don't happen from an avalanche but from a gradual slide. A compromise in morals here and there for the sake of peace. Pretty words spun to alleviate the guilty conscience. Secrets held because the Jedi wouldn't approve. The Council already didn't approve no matter how hard he fought for him. How valuable an asset he'd become to their war.

If only they'd taken the opportunity to understand he wasn't like them. He'd had a whole life before becoming a Jedi, how could he have been expected to just change everything about himself? His capacity to care wasn't the problem. Their unwillingness to change had been their undoing.

Even after being attacked, Obi-Wan comes to him to see what the matter is. It would be heartwarming if it didn't make him feel nauseous. He knows how time works in this place. How people can be snatched from any moment in their life and still showed no hesitation in confronting his brother. The rage leaves his body as quickly as it had come, leaving him feeling wrung out. Anakin's shoulders drop and he flinches away from the concerned questions. He can't find it in him to look Obi-Wan in the eye, knowing what he's going to see and only seeing the failure of his Fall.

You've just been Knighted. Anakin laughs, but it's tired and bitter. "Did they tell you anything about this place when you were pulled out? How time is a little different here?" He rubs over the back of his neck. "My point of view is quite a bit later than yours."

[obiwanofthosedays]

"To a degree, yes, but I can't imagine..." Anyone else he'd spoken to that knew of him was from so far beyond, it didn't seem worth questioning. Not when other details or their own emotional disquiet was far more important than his own innate curiosity. Obi-Wan approaches carefully as one would a feral sandpanther, hands settling on Anakin's shoulders lightly. Too firm too quick and the boy (man, he's a grown man, now, and that he missed those years between knighthood and this sits poorly with Obi-Wan) would slide right out from his grip like sand through fingers.

It's a gradual, gentle thing- tugging Anakin around to face him- not forcing him to meet his eyes because- it's partly cowardice and partly compassion. Forcing the issue will only confirm that those kyber blue eyes have gone hateful sith yellow and he is not yet prepared for his emotional reaction to seeing that. The first time could be a hallucination. A mistake. A trick of the mind. Any number of things other than the truth. "You've gotten taller."

Obi-Wan murmurs because it's safe. Because it's easier than anything else, one hand tugging on a lock of chestnut hair, huffing a helpless, wet laugh. Easier to remark on how Anakin has grown than his own wounded heart. Swallowing down his suffering and sorrow is nothing new. He practically runs on the stuff, under the serenity. Once certain Anakin isn't going to pull away, Obi-Wan does what he has not in what feels like nearly a decade.

He pulls Anakin into a hug. Tucks him close as he had when the boy was several heads shorter and experiencing nightmares. Holds him to his chest as though he could crack open his ribs an protect his Padawan from whatever horrors have visited this rage, this darkness, this bitterness in a soul that should be searingly bright. Holds fast, hand smoothing through hair long enough to curl (and he'd always wondered how it would grow out, to know Anakin opts to let it go long is amusing and warming and still somehow deeply tragic, to know it's a shade of vanity he wouldn't be able to enjoy because of the war), holding Anakin's face to his shoulder despite the height difference. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that he can't feel the cold cut of misery through their bond, he knows it's there. He knows that however much rage is roiling, there's a shade of guilt, of frustration, of self-loathing buried underneath. And at the root? Fear.

Fear of what he has never been able to winnow out but- perhaps now they might speak of it? Learn what could be done. Change, even, whatever it is that plagues the boy's mind so. "Whatever happened- here and now? We face this place together."

[chosenfordarkness]

"Five years," he blurts out quickly. Just so Obi-Wan is keenly aware of just how much time has passed. Four years outside of this place, one year trapped in Abraxas, though he sees Thorne as more of a home than he ever felt about the Jedi Temple. Here he feels like he can be himself, there's no expectation of him, no impossible standard he keeps climbing to reach only to fall short when it's within grasp.

His mind is still a turbulent storm, warring with itself while he stands there in practical silence, his gaze toward the ground but not truly seeing it. He should be so furious with Obi-Wan for everything that he'd done, for what he knows his Master will do when given the time. Yennefer had helped him forget his worries about home. He hadn't realized the ache he feels in his chest isn't from anxiety or anger-- it was homesickness. He'd been without anyone from his own time, trying to live up to the legacy he's told of in bits and pieces few and far between. His mind is filled with half-facts and no context. Great, monstrous things he will do and the knowledge that it doesn't even end with him.

And suddenly, there was Obi-Wan.

Younger than he should be, but still inevitably untangling the complicated mess in Anakin's heart. He feels nine years old again, cold and standing in front of a room of scrutinizing adults, missing his mother. The hands on his shoulders, so achingly gentle, are grounding and the you've gotten taller elicits what he tries to make a chuckle but comes out more of a noise caught in the back of his throat. There's a light tug on the end of a curl accompanied by a laugh he can't remember the last time he'd heard. Certainly a more uncivilized time in the midst of a firefight..

He's being tugged and at first comes the instinct to resist, but his face is being pressed into Obi-Wan's warm shoulder and there are arms wrapped around him in a hug of comfort. A hug that he certainly doesn't deserve, but is going to selfishly take. His own arms come up in a jerky, half-aborted motion before his fingers latch onto the material of Obi-Wan's shirt as if he would float away. He can feel the hot, angry sting of tears in his eyes and he hates how weak he is for caving in. For wanting to just forgive Obi-Wan of everything because he does miss the deep connection they have that no one else will really understand. How could they understand a bond like that?

He doesn't lift his head, even though Obi-Wan surely feels the dampness at his neck and the shaking in Anakin's shoulders as they stand there awkwardly. He shakes his head and sniffs to try and clear away the evidence of his emotional outburst. "I don't know that you'll want to when you know what I've done."

[obiwanofthosedays]

"Ani." Obi-Wan murmurs, rubbing a hand up and down Anakin's back as he often did when the boy had nightmares, when the world and the force was too much, too bright, too intense, when he didn't have the words for what he was seeing and feeling. Never before in his life had Obi-Wan felt quite so unprepared- any initiate from the Temple would have the right training, the right vocabulary. More than once the boy had (and caused) migraines so intense that Obi-Wan, even in all his grief, hated Qui-Gon for doing this to him, to them.

Those darker nights passed in time. As ever the boy's wellbeing and education, his training to priority over Obi-Wan's feelings and that simply was how he moved forward. Bury himself in the code and in Anakin's growth. In less than four years it became something done out of affection for this brilliant, patient, curious child rather than a promise made to a dead man.

Not that Anakin ever asked.

Not that Obi-Wan ever said.

Here and now he feels once again adrift- uncertain what it is Anakin needs from him. Five years? How long has he been here? What happened back home that prompted such agonized loathing? What could he have possibly said?

What's done is done, unfortunately, and all they have is the here and now. A familiar, calloused hand smooths through Anakin's hair, and Obi-Wan makes no motion to step away for the sake of propriety. His Padawan (a knight, no longer his) is deeply distraught and requires comfort. While unaccustomed to filling that need- to be needed is...deeply gratifying in no small way. A feeling unbecoming of a newly promoted master, but again- in this place? It matters less. "Ani. Have you done harm in this world? Used your powers to selfishly influence the minds of others, to cut down those unable to protect themselves? I very much doubt it."

[chosenfordarkness]

The nickname lowers his guard just a bit more even though it should do the opposite. The last time anyone had called him that, it had been Padmé.. his chest feels all the tighter at the thought. Anakin's shoulders slump and he snakes his arms around Obi-Wan's middle to finally return the hug that may be a bit too tight for his Master. It's a selfish indulgence, but in the year he's come to Abraxas, he can't say that he cares overly much about it.

"Not here," he manages to choke out. Never in this place, not unless they'd deserved it. He definitely killed a few of the acolytes that had a hand in his recent kidnapping, but it's what they'd deserved.

He stays where he is for just a bit longer before pulling back so he can raise his hand and wipe at the traitorous tears that give him away. Those gold eyes glance quickly at Obi-Wan's face, anxious that he's going to find contempt or something worse- disappointment. Then again, why should that be much different? Obi-Wan was often disappointed in him.

"I didn't arrive with them.. but I can't say I don't deserve them." He thinks about explaining the Horizon and how it can change you or give you new abilities, but maybe it's best someone else introduces it to him.

[obiwanofthosedays]

"Not here?" There's context he's missing- it feels as though there is always context he is missing with Anakin. One detail he does not know, a nightmare left unspoken, a lesson he never learned in full before becoming responsible for this powerful, wonderful, frustrating boy. Whether life left him unprepared or Qui-Gon never bothered to teach him, whether it simply isn't something they ever covered- too often the path seems littered with stones to trip either of them. But his entire life they've managed to work their way around, through, or over those trials.

Together.

Perhaps time apart during the war hid something he missed? Perhaps he left Anakin behind on a particularly difficult detachment? As a knight he would be promoted to general, and likely not be sent on as many missions alongside Obi-Wan. That must be what happened.

There's nothing in his eyes other than worry. Concern for someone that is so deeply dear to him beyond his capacity to articulate- there aren't words for how frustrated and fond he is of this man. Brows inched, seaglass eyes gleaming, his hands remain on Anakin's shoulders. "Ani, what happened?"

[chosenfordarkness]

There are so many things left unspoken if only because he never felt he could tell Obi-Wan these things without it being brushed off or being chastised for it. He understands that line of thinking only stems from his own insecurities growing up in the temple, but at this point, it’s so deeply seeded that it will be hard to uproot. Especially after everything with Rako Hardeen. Something he can’t put against his Master now, but he can’t exactly forget.

To not be trusted with something like that and to use his attachments and emotions against him to make things seem authentic? Well, there were quite a few things in those years after being knighted that had fractured his belief in the Jedi.

Anakin shifts in place, uncomfortable under the scrutiny and looks away. The hands on his shoulders suddenly feel too heavy.

“Can’t we talk about something else? I’m too tired for this.” After the month being trapped in that place, only half-connected to the Force and being unable to fully trust his own abilities, Anakin has to admit he’s running on energy he doesn’t really have. It’s a small blessing that Obi-Wan can’t use the Force yet, because he knows it would only give him away. He doesn’t have the energy to shield himself.

“Like where you’re at?”